


Why Can't This Be Love

by shanisafan



Series: Why Can't This Be Love [1]
Category: IT (2017) RPF, IT - Stephen King
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gay, Kissing, M/M, Marriage, Turned Real, any smut will be in a separate fic, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2020-10-05 00:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20479661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shanisafan/pseuds/shanisafan
Summary: “Why wouldn’t you just tell us you’re getting married altogether like Bill and Stan did?” Richie said, seeming to also realize this was odd.“Because we have to ask a favor of you.” Ben brought his hand up to start biting his nails the way he did when he was about to deliver bad news.“Favor is too nice, babe. This is not a favor or a request. It is a requirement if you both want to be at this wedding.” Beverly let go of Ben’s hand to place it on her knee. She rubbed her thighs once, gearing up to tell them. Eddie had a couple guesses about what she may want to say but nothing prepared him for what it actually was, “You have to bring a date.”





	1. Here It Comes

**Author's Note:**

> Why Can't This Be Love by Van Halen
> 
> Dedicated to my friends Romax and Sam!

Eddie’s Tuesday started out as it normally did. Half a grapefruit for breakfast, thoroughly shower, text his best friend, Richie, a stupid meme, call Mike to confirm lunch for tomorrow, work from 8am to 6pm, and come home to pour himself a glass of wine. 

Right now he was pouring 4 glasses because around 3:00pm, Beverly called asking if her and Ben could come by to tell him something exciting and that Richie had to be there too. He was not sure what they could possibly want to talk about with the two of them. Eddie tried to push down the anxiety that they might be angry about something. He was pretty sure he didn’t do anything horrible recently, but he couldn’t be sure.

“Richie! Can you help me?” Eddie shouted from the kitchen of his apartment. “I don’t have enough hands to carry everything!”

“Coming, my love!” Richie joked annoyingly. Although Eddie didn’t find it entirely annoying, it’s just Richie being ridiculous. 

His tall friend padded into the kitchen wearing his worn-out leather jacket that he thought made him look cool, a print shirt with a meme on it that Eddie didn’t get, and jeans, “I know what they are going to tell us.” Richie stated confidently with a little bounce in his step. 

“Did they tell you already? That’s not fair!” Eddie said in frustration. “They couldn’t wait two more damn minutes?”

“No, I have a guess, Eds.” 

“Don’t call me Eds.”

“I think Ben finally got the courage to propose to Beverly.” Richie went on with a smile. “Or she grabbed him by the balls and told him to do it.”

Eddie snorted at the imagery and wouldn’t put it past Bev to be that aggressive but probably wouldn’t to the love of her life. “That’s wonderful if it’s the news.” 

“I bet you 50 bucks it is,” Richie challenged, “Ben was looking mighty anxious at Bill’s wedding a year ago.” 

Eddie rubbed the back of his neck, “I barely remember Bill’s wedding. I was so blackedout.” 

Richie rolled his eyes dramatically, “You were stupidly mourning the loss of Myra the hydra.” Eddie cringed at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. 

“Be nice, Rich.” Eddie frowned. He pulled out a packet of thin mint girl scout cookies for all of them to snack on. 

Richie rolled his eyes as he sipped quickly from the glass of wine, clearly not finished speaking, “I don’t know why either. She was a carbon copy of your mother. Her leaving was the best thing to ever happen to you.” 

“Yes, being extremely single has done wonders for my self-esteem.” Eddie mumbled.

Richie leaned over and flicked Eddie’s nose, “You’re a catch, dummy.” 

He yelped, rubbing his nose and getting goosebumps from their intensely close position. Eddie grabbed the other two glasses, thin mints and turned on his heel to walk out of the kitchen. “Fine, 50 bucks it isn’t an engagement.” 

“Sweet! Also, those pants look good on you.” Richie pointed out following from behind him. 

Eddie’s cheeks heated up a little, he purposely wore these dark navy blue jeans because Richie always compliments them. He wondered if Richie remembered that he did this every time. Eddie doubted it. When it was just the two of them, Richie constantly tried to make Eddie feel special and wanted. Eddie suspected Richie did it because he felt sorry for him, but he couldn’t be sure. Despite knowing his best friend pretty well, he was also a huge enigma. Constantly says whatever is on his mind, does the most spontaneous - borderline suicidal - things, and keeps a smile on his face no matter what he may be feeling. 

They plop down on the couch in Eddie’s living room. His place was what Richie called a ‘clean mess’, probably the best description of Eddie ever said. He had the habit of hoarding things he didn’t really need. Piles of books on every table that he had already read, knick-knacks from trips, more candles than any one person needed on all open surfaces. He had really nice furniture that matched well in a blend of warm colors. Beverly and Ben sat in two mahogany chairs across from them, holding hands. 

Eddie placed the wine glasses on monster movie poster coasters that Richie gifted him years ago when they were teens. They grew up together and remained close throughout the years, regardless of college or moving around. In fact, Eddie had six very close friends from childhood. The group called themselves the Losers Club, a title courtesy of Richie. 

“Thanks, Eddie!” Beverly said nicely. Ben thanked him too. Richie sat beside Eddie, the side of their thighs touching as he scooted closer to hand him wine. Eddie always felt so comfortable around all his friends, they were the only ones he let be touchy with him. He used to hate germs and be easily disgusted by everything, but when the people he was closest with shared food, drinks, and beds with him, that feeling went away gradually. 

“Alright, lads,” Richie started up with a newsies kid accent. “What’s the scoop? Striking Pulitzer again?” 

“Well,” Ben’s round cheeks turned pink as he said, “We’ve got pretty big news.” Eddie observed Ben take both Beverly’s hands into his own big ones. 

Beverly was practically jumping in her seat, her flamming red short curls bouncing against the sides of her face. She shared a big smile with Ben as she blurted out, “WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!”

“FUCK YES!” Richie shouted. He flew off the couch tackling Beverly in a huge hug. 

“Please, don’t hurt my girlfrie-I mean fiancé.” Ben said softly, clearly surprised how much he enjoyed calling her that. 

Eddie got up to hug Ben tightly, saying congratulations. Beverly kissed both men before they sat back down. Eddie raised his glass. “Cheers, to two people who’s friendship, romance, and love are unparalleled.” 

They clinked glasses and drank. Richie bumped Eddie lightly, “Cheers to owing me $50.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie nodded toward the counter. “You can grab it from my wallet before you go home.” 

“You can just buy me dinner this weekend.” Richie waved his hand.

“So Rich, you know what me getting married also means?” Beverly’s eyes shined brightly at him. He looked between her and Ben, thinking. Then dawning flashed on his face. He put his glass down and stood on the couch. 

“Richie, no!” Eddie pleaded desperately. “You are going to fall! Idiot!” 

He jumped up and down like a child discovering Christmas came early. “I AM GOING TO BE DUDE OF HONOR!” 

They all laughed at his excitement. One of the things the losers club decided in their 20’s, after a particularly ugly fight about who would be who’s best man or ‘dude of honor’ in this case, was that each of them would take turns. 

So far, Bill and Stanley had gotten married. To two incredible women, Audra and Patty. Eddie was Bill’s and Bill was Stan’s best man. The rest of the sequence goes: Mike is Richie’s, Richie is Bev’s, Bev is Eddie’s, Stan is Ben’s, and Ben is Mike’s. Mike is fairly confident he won’t get married and neither will Richie, which he says is for the best as he is far too stressed as a person to get married or be a best man. 

Eddie recalled that a huge fight he had with Myra was over Beverly being his Best Woman. She shouted at him for hours that there was no reason a woman should be when he had all these guy friends. Explaining the losers club deal to her did nothing but place fuel on the fire.  _ ‘Sometimes I think you love them more than me!’ _ Looking back, he most certainly did. Eddie was fairly certain he would always love the losers most in this world. Which furthered the cycle of being horribly single. Sometimes he thought he was in a polyamorous asexual relationship with 6 other people. They were  _ too _ close.

Richie finished up his jumping and landed on the couch half on Eddie. “OW!” Eddie yelled. “That fucking hurt. You aren’t light enough to plop all your weight on me.” 

Richie slung an arm over Eddie’s shoulders and kissed the side of his face. “Sorry, Eds.”

Eddie wiped his face that got kissed on Richie’s shoulder, pretending to get the germs off. “Have you told everyone else?” 

“We have…” Ben begun slowly. Eddie didn’t like the tone he was using. “Stanley’s already started his best man duties.”

“Why wouldn’t you just tell us you’re getting married altogether like Bill and Stan did?” Richie said, seeming to also realize this was odd. 

“Because we have to ask a favor of you.” Ben brought his hand up to start biting his nails the way he did when he was about to deliver bad news. 

“Favor is too nice, babe. This is not a favor or a request. It is a requirement if you both want to be at this wedding.” Beverly let go of Ben’s hand to place it on her knee. She rubbed her thighs once, gearing up to tell them. Eddie had a couple of guesses about what she may want to say but nothing prepared him for what it actually was, “You have to bring a date.” 

Eddie leaned back in confusion, realizing Richie’s arm was still around him so it brought them both laying back against the couch. Richie removed his arm and started fidgeting with his fingers. Eddie worried his bottom lip before saying quietly, “Why?” 

Beverly looked to Eddie with sympathy. “I’m sorry, Eddie, but we don’t want a repeat of Stan and Bill’s weddings.”

Eddie’s face immediately turned red with embarrassment. Three years ago, Stanley got married and that was around when he left his mother’s place for the third time. A year later, Bill got married and he had his break up with Myra. On both occasions, Eddie took a bad combination of too many pills and drinking more than he ever had in his life. Resulting in major blackouts and behavior he cannot remember but knows second hand from everyone what happened.

“Why do we both have to have dates?” Richie said, voice a little strained and weird.

Beverly rounded on him with no sympathy. “Because, Richard, when YOU go to weddings you fuck everyone and break shit. A date will keep you focused on that person and not be a chaotic monster with a death wish.”

Richie laughed, “If I want to be fucked by all your bridesmaids at the same time then I should be allowed to do that!”

Beverly’s voice rose higher, “That’s literally not possible, asshole! And the only bridesmaid is Kay McCall.” 

“Damn. Kay’s beautiful but I don’t screw married women.” Richie’s face scrunched up. “Does that make her a bride’s matron?”

“High morals there Richie,” Ben said trying to lighten the mood.

“You know it Ben Handsome.” He winked. 

Eddie sat there trying to word what he wanted to say carefully. As Richie continued to dig himself a deeper hole, “We are getting off-topic. I’m saying if I want to have sex with someone and have a little fun or if Eddie wants to get so drunk he mistakes your grandma for a urinal, then we should have that right.” 

This brings Eddie back, “Richie!” 

“What? Nana Denbrough thought she was at a waterpark. You’re fine.” 

He put his hands on his face and folded forward. Richie scratched his back soothingly but didn’t stop trying to defend himself. Beverly eventually got so fed up that she pulled out her phone and played a video from YouTube. 

“Exhibit A, Bill and Audra’s wedding.” She said viciously. 

Eddie groaned as he raised his head to watch the screen. Bill’s younger brother Georgie had filmed people talking about Bill and Audra. He put the most unfortunate video, starring Eddie and Richie, on the internet for the world to see. 

Video Eddie looked miserable and spaced out. Georgie had to say his name three times before Eddie looked up and hiccuped. “Oh hey, Georgie!” Video Eddie said enthusiastically. “Having fun kiddo?” 

“I’m 21, Eddie. Not really a kid anymore.” Georgie’s voice said laughing. 

“Stay a kid forever,” Eddie begged him.

“Ok, Eddie. What do you want to say to Bill and Audra?” 

“Bill...I want you to know that you are the bravest man alive and I would die for you. Audra, you better be good to him.” Video Eddie points at the camera and almost falls forward. Suddenly, video Richie appears, catching him. He giggles bopping video Richie on the nose and keeping his face precariously close to video Richie’s face. 

Video Eddie frowns suddenly and looks back at the camera, “But don’t fall too too in love. You might get your heart broken like me. Love is dumb. Women are dumb. They don’t really care about you.” 

Video Richie had his hair slicked back and was laughing at video Eddie’s truths, “Eds! This day isn’t about you. It’s about Bill and Audra. We should be telling stories about them!”

“Oh god,” Eddie said as his stomach turned reliving the next part again. 

“So Audra, let me tell you about Bill’s first time. He had a girlfriend in high school, blonde and pretty, much like yourself and they were dating for about…” 

Video Eddie hiccups, “4 months.” Then smashes his face into video Richie’s neck. “You smell like whiskey.” He winces.

Video Richie laughed, cheeks reddening from drunkenness, “Thank you, Eds. When they decided to fuck for the first time, he got everything all set and she came over that evening. As he was eating her out.” 

“Richie, kids could see this.” Video Georgie warned through obvious laughter.

“As Bill was going downtown on her hoo-hoo she got a little too excited and shat the bed.” All three men were shrieking with laughter. Video Eddie wrapped his arms around video Richie, shaking uncontrollably with glee. Despite the horribleness of the situation, Eddie smiled a little. “Now it’s unclear where all the crap ended up but we can guess that…”

Beverly stopped the video glaring at Richie intently. Eddie looked at him and he only smiled. “We won’t even get into the nuclear mess that was Stanley and Patti Uris’s wedding right now. But we want you both to have a date so there is no chance of you completely embarrassing me, Ben, and yourselves.” 

Eddie scoffed, “Richie embarrasses himself on every date he goes on. What makes you think one brought to the wedding will be any better?” 

“Oh yeah?” Richie gazed at him steadily. Eddie braced himself for the incoming insult. As much as he could dish it, he rarely could take it. Especially against Richie’s quick tongue, “And when was the last time you even fucking went on a date to embarrass yourself?” 

“I can get dates!” 

“A night alone with your right hand isn’t a date.”

“Shut the fuck up, Trashmouth!” 

Suddenly, two armchair pillows smacked the side of Eddie and Richie’s heads. They both rounded on Beverly and Ben but the stare of death Beverly was giving stopped their prepared protests. 

“If you assholes want to come to my wedding,”

“Our wedding…” Ben whispered.

She turned her ever reddening face, almost the color of her hair, at her financé, “Not if you correct me, Benjamin! Don’t make me marry myself!” She focused back on Eddie and Richie, pointing a bitten nail at them menacingly. “...you will have dates and BEHAVE at the reception or so help me, I’ll castrate you!” 

There was a pregnant pause broken by the one who can never stay quiet long. “What about the ceremony?” Richie responded, “Can I at least ruin that?”

She stared at him, everyone ready for more yelling but instead she broke into a gorgeous smile and laughed. It lightened the moment but Eddie didn’t find he felt any less anxious. He fully contemplated this enormous request from his friends. Finding a good wedding date took time, he only ever had committed relationships. Well, the one with Myra. As much as Richie’s words hurt, he was right. Eddie didn’t go on dates. People didn’t tend to find him datable. “Too short, too high maintenance, too weird” were just a few of the flaws that consumed him. He had no clue how he was expected to get someone to go to this wedding with him. 

The four of them started discussing wedding details, Beverly and Richie talking a mile a minute about everything that had to get done. He was especially excited to plan a bachelorette party. With how much money Ben and Bev make, it sounded like they would get their dream wedding easily. 

Eddie was thrilled for them but that pang of being single and now having to find a date was eating him alive for the two more hours they stayed. When they finally called it a night, Beverly and Ben hugged them promising to talk tomorrow. 

Richie did not follow them out which meant he wanted to drink and talk more, probably spend the night there. Eddie had a guest room that was essentially Richie’s room since he spent the most time there. 

“You want ice cream?” Richie shouted from the kitchen where he was most likely opening another bottle of wine. 

“With chocolate syrup!” Eddie yelled back. 

“Oh, chocolate syrup night means major troubles.” Richie laughed. 

“What are we gonna do Rich?” Eddie whined miserably. “Or rather, what the fuck am I going to do?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“About the fucking dates!” Eddie laid sideways on the couch, grabbing the cushion pillow and placing it over his face to scream into. 

“Don’t be a drama queen.” Richie said. The couch shifted as he sat down by Eddie’s legs. 

“That’s easy for you to say.” Eddie mumbled into the pillow. 

Two hands extracted the pillow from his face. Eddie kept his eyes scrunched closed. “I can’t speak pillow.” 

Eddie huffed out, “It’s easy for you to not be worried. You are a serial dater.” 

“Open your eyes, Eds.” Richie chuckled. Eddie opened them to pout childishly at him.

He had his smirky smile on, which could only mean he had a terrible idea. “I have a great idea to get us out of getting actual dates.”

Eddie stared at him from his laid down position, probably giving Richie an unattractive double chin, “There is no loophole in this agreement, Rich. Beverly was really fucking clear. We have to have dates.”

“And we will.” Richie poured wine into both their glasses. He handed it to Eddie, forcing him to sit up in order to drink it. While Eddie drank normally, Richie downed his quickly then licked his lips. 

“Who am I gonna have to take to Ben and Beverly’s wedding?”

Richie watched him carefully, opened his mouth and said, “You’ll take **me**. I will be your wedding date. And by default, you will be **mine**.” Eddie’s mouth dropped and Richie clinked his empty glass with Eddie’s full one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of IT: Chapter 2 coming out soon, I have begun writing this fake dating idea! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, comment and let me know your thoughts and feels! The title is thanks to Slashpalooza on tumblr who asked me a million years ago to write something with this title!


	2. Funny Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie studied Richie for a second longer. “You're probably right. I’m overthinking this.”
> 
> “Definitely. No more thinking.”
> 
> “You do enough lack of thinking for both of us." Eddie stated, to which Richie barked out a laugh. "Ok. What do we do?” 
> 
> Richie frowned in confusion, “What do we do what?”
> 
> “About pretending to date!”

Eddie’s leg was bouncing up and down quickly as he sat in the semi-empty Thai food restaurant. Mike and him always had lunch at on Wednesday. It started after Mike’s dad died for a source of comfort. Not that Eddie felt qualified in any way to comfort someone after the death of a parent when he could barely remember his own father, but Mike meant a lot to him. He needed someone who would listen. Who would not change the subject because they were uncomfortable like Bill, or make an inappropriate joke like Richie, or avoid the topic of fathers altogether like Beverly had every right to do. Ben used to come before his big promotion, it had him traveling too much now. That left, Eddie, who would listen, nod, give some thoughts, but mostly just be there for Mike. 

They kept up their lunch dates long after Will Hanlon’s death because it was special to them. If there were a couple of dishes they both wanted, they would get them and share. Mike always got a dessert that Eddie would mooch from. Spending one on one time with Mike was easy, never worrisome.

For once, Eddie was especially nervous today because he had to lie to Mike. Lying to his friends was not his forte. He knew how to lie or fudge the truth, it was an important ability he developed living under his mother’s strict roof. The question wasn’t whether he could do it or not but the guilt might eat at him.

This was all Richie’s FAULT. Last night when he suggested they be each other’s dates to Ben and Beverly’s wedding, Eddie was so caught off guard that he found himself agreeing. Well, not exactly saying yes, but he certainly didn’t say no. He told Richie he would think about it. The idea was actually brilliant, the only problem would be convincing their friends they were dating and not just using a loophole in the ‘Eddie and Richie must have wedding dates’ rule. 

He wasn’t even necessarily nervous to pretend to be Richie’s date. In fact, he found himself a little exhilarated at the prospect. Their conversation about how to handle this didn’t get very far, but Richie said they would have to start dropping hints to the losers club immediately. It wouldn’t be enough to be each other’s date, they must convince everyone they liked each other as more than best friends. It was this part that sent him into a bit of a spiral.

“Sorry, I’m late!” Mike came flying into him for a quick hug, almost tipping him out of the chair, then sat across picking up his menu. Eddie looked at the tired, yet caffeine-fueled human in front of him fondly. Mike was a handsome and extremely good-hearted man. It always surprised him that Mike was single, but Eddie had a feeling he was looking for the kind of true love his parents’ possessed. Which wouldn’t be easy to replicate as the Hanlons were a beautiful couple. 

“You’re fine.” Eddie waved him off. “I’ve just been suffering from the boredom of waiting for you.” 

Mike rolled his eyes, “So much suffering. I bet you were texting Richie the whole time.”

“No, I wasn’t!” his eyes flashed in irritation. He hadn’t been, nevermind that normally he would be texting Richie. Right now he felt a little nauseous thinking about it. “My life doesn’t revolve around him.” 

Mike laughed, “No need to bite my head off.” Eddie rolled his eyes but begrudgingly smiled. 

“So why were you late?” Eddie asked.

“Boss needed me to show a new employee around the library.” Mike picked up the menu. “She seems nice.” 

“Nice?” Eddie raised an eyebrow in surprise. His friend tended to be very private about people he might find attractive. It was vital he stayed cautious, if not also a bit nosy, when trying to ask questions. He hesitated then, “Are you interested in her?” Then immediately regretted it as that was probably too much too fast. So much for cautious.

Mike glanced over the top of his menu clearly debating how much to reveal. His dark eyes were steady with internal conflict. “Maybe? She’s a knockout that’s for sure. So how was dinner last night? Any new news?” 

He nodded still wanting to push the subject further but he had the job of leaving hints about his own fake dating life. He considered how to do this then a crazy idea came to him.

Without meeting Mike’s eyes, Eddie started by saying, “Mike...I think I am gay.” He couldn’t believe he just said those words aloud. 

A gasp and smile came from Mike’s lips, “Oh wow! I…” He was completely thrown for what to say. “Thank you for sharing that. How do you feel?” 

“A little sick to be honest.” Eddie groaned. He should not have done that. It was a mistake. Suddenly, his breathing picked up in a telltale sign of a panic attack emerging.

“Hey, hey…that’s ok.” Mike reassured him gently, he reached forward to pat Eddie’s hand comfortingly. 

“I told Richie too.” Eddie gasped out, breathing evening back out with his friend’s kindness. Silence ensued as Mike clearly tried to control his facial expressions. This was Eddie’s chance, he gulped heavily. “I’m happy Richie knows.” 

Mike hesitated then said, “Oh yeah?” 

Eddie nodded, “Ya know, because he’s...he’s Richie.” _He’s my person._ But Eddie didn’t want to say that out loud and offend Mike, someone just as important. “I don’t know how I am going to tell Ben and Bev when they JUST told Richie and me about this ‘Have to take a date to their wedding’ deal.” Eddie bit the bottom of his lip. “Thanks for not warning me by the way.” He said sarcastically, removing his hand from underneath Mike’s.

Mike opened his mouth to defend himself but the waitress swooped in to grab their food and drink orders. She gave Eddie a wink when he asked for his meal, which reddened his cheeks a bit in embarrassment. People flirting with him always made him uncomfortable. Except with Richie, he was the only person Eddie could laugh off the flirting easily. Most likely from years of dealing with it. 

After she walked away, Mike turned to Eddie with a determined expression, “You had to know they would ask something like this of you. Stanley’s wedding was bad enough then Bill’s, you both need someone to rein you in.” 

A spark of rage ignited within Eddie, he was always easily angered when pushed. “Those were rough fucking times for me! And last year was hard as fuck on Richie with the death of his dad. You should understand of all people.” 

Mike’s lips pursed and he spoke very slowly, “I do understand, Eddie. But this day is about Beverly and Ben. They get to ask whatever the fuck they want from any of us.” 

“It’s embarrassing, Mike.” Eddie’s voice was rising in pitch and volume as a familiar panic started to set in. “Forcing me to get a date and, in turn, now I have to come out to them to explain why the person I am bringing will be a guy. It wasn’t fair of them to put me and Richie on the spot like that! You knew! You should have said something.” As all of this rolled out of Eddie’s mouth, a crazy dawning hit him. He might actually...be...no...he can’t be. Can he?

Mike listened carefully before sighing loudly. He looked away from Eddie then back at him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” 

Eddie nodded. “That’s all I wanted to hear.” 

They got interrupted by the waitress coming with their food and drinks. The meals smelled incredible but neither of them touched their food. Mike clearly wanted to say more from the tense way his jaw twitched. 

“I really didn’t think about it, Eddie. I’m sorry you were put in that position.” Mike gave the saddest expression that made his tired face look even more burdened. 

Eddie was never able to stay mad at his friends for long. “You apologized. Good enough for me.” And almost as a sign of peace, Eddie reached over and took a spoonful of Mike’s Pad Thai. “So tell me about the library girl.” 

Mike beamed at him. “Her name is Carole Danners…”

* * *

Eddie marched forward like a soldier ready for war. He got to the door of Richie’s apartment and knocked. There was a thump and yell from inside. Richie must have been napping then fell off the couch. Which made sense since he worked the night shift at the Radio station and did standup many nights.

Eddie was losing his resolve with every passing second. It was taking far too long for Richie to answer. His feet started carrying him away from the stoop then the door flung open. 

Richie’s hair was messy, sticking out everywhere. Eddie was annoyed at how his cheeks warmed seeing Richie shirtless and wearing only boxers.

Now, he isn’t blind or an idiot, Eddie knows Richie is really good looking. He’s known the guy through braces, the growth spurt, his skin clearing and the mercy of puberty turning him into a beautiful man. Richie works out to keep fit for industry standards, he has a soft stomach from still eating junk and too much beer, his eyes are ocean blue behind stylish glasses, jaw defined, and overall unfair attractiveness. 

Richie leaned on the doorframe with a smirk. “You going to stand there and drool over my sexiness or come inside?” 

Eddie frowned, shoved past him and into the apartment. “I wasn’t drooling you turd. And you aren’t sexy, you’re a nerd.” 

“So what do I owe the pleasure of your company, besides the obvious of enjoying your company always.” Richie plopped down on his couch and patted the seat next to him. Except Eddie didn’t feel like sitting yet. He went over to the record that was playing a Queen song. Richie always had music playing, he could barely go 30 minutes without some kind of sound surrounding him. It was particularly bad in school when he would finish tests quickly then bring out his headphones to try listening to something. Teachers hated it. 

“I want to go as each others’ dates for the wedding.” He heard Richie get up from the couch, then a hand came on his shoulder to turn him around. Those blue eyes searched his own greyish-brown ones for a minute. The scrutiny made Eddie feel exposed, so he shrugged him off changing the record to a song by Aretha Franklin. “I’m serious. Whatever it takes for us to go together, I will do it.” 

This seemed enough for Richie. “Fuck yes! This will be so fun.” 

“It won’t be fun to lie.” Eddie groaned. 

Richie ignored this as he said, “We need to plan. It has to be convincing. Some of our friends may not believe us.”

“I told Mike I am gay.” Eddie blurted out. Richie’s eyes widened in shock, which looked huge behind his thick glasses. His big mouth opened in a dumb gaped way, “And he fucking believed me which I feel says something about me that I am not sure I want to tackle at the moment.”

“Oh shit,” Richie laughed and gave an air of completely impressed. “No, you fucking didn’t!”

“Yeah, I fucking DID. He sat there and was proud of me.” Eddie paused. “Richie, do I give off gay vibes?”

“Er…” Richie shifted from one foot to the other, while rubbing the back of his neck. “How should I know?”

“Bowers used to call us faggots all the time…” 

“Eds, that was just one of the few words in Bowers’ vocabulary. You can’t possibly take it seriously.” 

Eddie studied Richie for a second longer. “You're probably right. I’m overthinking this.”

“Definitely. No more thinking.”

“You do enough lack of thinking for both of us," Eddie stated, to which Richie barked out a laugh. "Ok. What do we do?” 

Richie frowned in confusion, “What do we do what?”

“About pretending to date!” Eddie felt small and vulnerable. This situation was not ideal for him, either of them. He couldn’t put his finger on exactly why so many hang-ups were emerging, him and Richie messed with their friends all the time. This felt different, more dangerous, disrespectful maybe or...too real perhaps. 

Richie must’ve sensed Eddie was in his head as he slung a long arm around his shoulders leading them to the couch. 

“So, first we have to pretend to date,” Richie informed him. This reminder made Eddie grimace. Going as wedding dates was one thing but actively dating would be a challenge. “It’s the only way to convince them it’s genuine and not a trick.” 

“Dating to go to one wedding together is risky, Rich. What if you find someone you are actually interested in?” 

“Eds, you know my track record is all over the place. I’ve never held a girlfriend for more than a couple of months.” 

“You dated Sandy for 3 years and lived with her for 2 and a half.” Eddie stated bitterly.

“Right, blocked Sandy out,” said Richie, obviously lying. He rarely ever brought her up and never talked about why they broke up. Eddie always figured she thought Richie wasn’t mature enough. Whenever the subject of marriage came up, he used to make a joke about them being too young or that she wouldn’t want to marry him. Until one day she stopped him in front of everyone and said she did want to get married so what did he have to say about that. They broke up the next day. Eddie never told Richie he was happy about that break up because he knew it wouldn’t go over well, but Sandy always tried to change Richie. To do that to the most immovable force in Eddie’s life was unforgivable in his book. “Anyway, don’t worry about me. But if you want to date someone within the next year, speak now or forever hold your peace.” 

Eddie shook his head aggressively, “Definitely not up to actually dating someone.” 

Richie placed his hand over his heart. “Hurtful.” 

“Asshole.” Eddie grumbled and poked Richie’s forehead hard. 

He rubbed the spot but smiled fondly. “I’ll be your practice subject for your future soulmate.” The sentiment didn’t reach Richie’s eyes. Probably because Richie doesn’t believe in soulmates or something.

“Alright,” Eddie took a deep breath, “Should we make rules?” 

Richie ran a hand through his hair making it stick up more. “Like what?” 

He fidgeted uncomfortably on the couch, he toed off his shoes, then leaned back bringing his feet up. “Like ‘If we start developing feelings, we end it.’.” 

He couldn’t be sure but he swore Richie looked at his lips before saying, “What makes you think we will develop feelings for each other?” 

Eddie stared at the small burn in Richie’s couch instead of his eyes. To this day, Beverly has never admitted that the burn is from her leaving a lit cigarette down for too long. Everyone convinced Richie he burned his own couch when drunk and trying to light up a cig. The lie has been going on since college, far too long, so none of the losers can ever tell him. It’s one of the only secrets Eddie keeps from Richie.

He decided to ignore Richie's question saying, "You make up a rule now."

"Er..." Richie thought for a little bit then, "‘Kissing in public to prove it is fine, but not in private’?"

"AND NO TONGUE!" Eddie insisted. "I used to hate when Myra wanted to french kiss. She of all people should know how many germs are in a mouth. More than a toilet!" 

"Ya really had a rockin' affair there with Myra the hydra. Didn't ya, Eds." Richie was smirking.

“Also, ‘We cannot tell anyone or any of the losers no matter what’.” said Eddie with a bit of warning tone thrown into his voice.

“I’d be more worried about YOU not being able to tell anyone.” Richie lightly hit Eddie’s leg. “You’re the one who can’t keep a secret for shit.” 

“I haven’t told a soul that you were my first kiss at 11!” Eddie argued. 

“Yeah, cause it’s embarrassing as fuck. Actually, we can have that be an anecdote now!” Richie said excitedly. “Thank god, that secret was fucking eating me alive.” 

Eddie laughed a belly-busting laugh. Richie had this way about him, he could diffuse the most awkward situations. Deciding to do this was about as awkward as it could get with them. When Eddie’s laughter subsided, he asked, “So how did we start dating? This is also weird because it’s going from secret dating to dating. We will need solid stories.” 

Richie leaned back on the couch and thought about it for a bit. “Ok. I got it. We can literally blame it on Beverly and Ben. They forced us to bring dates, you come out of the closet to everyone which in turn gets me thinking differently about you. So I make a move and…” 

“Why do you get to make the first move? And why do I have to come out of the closet to everyone?!” 

“I’m more ambitious than you and you keep fewer secrets, so you have to come out first. Also, you already fake came out to Mike, so the rest should be easy.” 

“But I’m bolder in my actions!” Eddie surprised himself with that one. But he was getting to know himself better lately, and one of the things he prided in was taking action when necessary. “Case in point, coming out to people, so I could’ve made the first move!”

“Fine. How about, we both drank too much one night and started making out but have no idea who kissed who first because we both just went at it. Sound good?” 

“Yes,” Eddie nodded. “And...um...we didn’t want to tell anyone because we had no idea if it was a one-time thing or like something real.” 

Richie bounced a little in his seat enjoying the storytelling. “AND! We didn’t want to ruin the friend dynamic without being sure it worked.” 

Eddie’s stomach felt queasy talking about this. He wanted to be excited like Richie, usually, when they schemed he was all in, but this time he wanted to vomit. The stakes were so high. “Perfect. Alright, let's decide who finds out first.” 

“Bill should catch us,” Richie suggested. “Everyone will believe him. Also, the look on his dumb face will be beyond fucking worth it.” 

“Don’t call Bill dumb, Richie.” Eddie chastised. Richie rolled his eyes, which he let slide. “I agree about him catching us though. He’s most likely to confront the situation too. Ben, Mike, and even Beverly might keep it to themselves.” 

“In general, we should drop hints like ‘I think I like someone but I don’t want to say who’ or ‘I’m hooking up with this cutie who has an ass you can slap day and ni…’” 

Eddie smacked the side of Richie’s face with his foot, knocking off his glasses, “No jokes about my ass!” Richie hit him in the chest because he couldn’t see Eddie properly. Eddie launched himself toward Richie sitting on his stomach, knocking the air out of him. Eddie grabbed a couch pillow shoving it harshly in Richie’s face. He tried to fling Eddie off but couldn’t get a proper grip on him. He stopped struggling and tapped Eddie’s leg asking to be free.

Eddie paused realizing one flaw in the plan. He removed the pillow, hyper-aware of Richie’s hand still on his thigh but he should probably get used to the touching. “There is only one person I’m super worried about believing us.” 

Their eyes met ominously as they said at the same time, “Stanley.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaving me a comment gives me the magic to write moreeeeee.  
If you catch a typo let me know!


	3. Winding Me Up Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snippet:  
“I take it back,” said Stanley, “You don’t have any cleverness. Only idiocy.” 
> 
> “Hmmmm, insults,” Richie leaned in front of Eddie, still holding his shoulder as his face got closer to an unamused Stanley. “They feed my very soul.” 
> 
> Eddie placed his hand over Richie’s face and pushed him backward the metal of his glasses digging into Eddie’s hand, “Your soul has a healthy appetite then.” 
> 
> “Oof, your words fill me up most, Eds.”

Eddie honked profusely at the car in front of him. Everyone had decided it was idiot day on the road as one of the bridges was down from a car fire. People were cutting him off or making illegal u-turns that almost hit his car. He ended up pulling over to grab a drink at a restaurant. He wasn’t very well going to die tonight if he could calm his nerves with alcohol instead. It was unfortunate that he left his pills at home, knowing they could calm him immediately but a gin and prune juice, his healthy alcoholic beverage of choice, would have to do the trick. 

About a month had gone by since ‘The Arrangement’, something Richie had started calling their pretend dating. Eddie would’ve rather called it ‘The Nightmare’ but Richie wanted a positive outlook on the situation. 

Eddie eyed a grungy bar next to a pizza joint that looked perfect to grab a cheap drink. However, upon further observation, there was a rainbow flag sticking out above the bar’s entrance. He blinked at it, took a step forward, then froze. His body had seized up at the prospect of going in.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there but a booming voice said, “You in or out?” Tossing him from a temporary mind blank.

“Huh?” Eddie focused on the bouncer standing by the entrance, who was ripped and large. He never understood having such intimidating people be the first greeting you encounter before entering a bar or club. Don’t these businesses want people to come in? “Oh...er...no no. Just searching for a place to drink.” 

“Well, this is a bar.” The man eyed Eddie up and down, giving the impression of being humanly x-rayed. “Drinking is the main activity...among other things.” There was some prolonged eye contact between them that dried Eddie’s throat into a Sahara desert.

Eddie nodded shifting forward. He reached for his wallet, which had his ID, but his hand merely hovered over his slack's front pocket. 

“Maybe another time?” The man suggested with a lighter tone. Eddie straightened up, nodded and walked away. 

He just failed at that pretty spectacularly. What would Richie think? Probably that he was a chicken. This had been an extra hard month. With the realization, he may have stronger feelings toward guys than he had ever admitted to himself. He had stopped sleeping, barely ate, and secluded himself more. 

Suddenly, the demise of his relationship with Myra was making more sense. When she used to touch him sensually, his skin crawled. He assumed that was from the years of his mother convincing him the world was a germ-infested blackhole, girls were dirty, and how he could never truly be clean. Except he rarely felt that way when Richie touched him. Or any of his friends. Sure, they had known each other for years, but he knew Myra for a long time too and it didn’t settle into a comfortableness that relationships were meant. 

He tended to resist Myra’s kisses, fake not feeling good to get out of sex, and pushed her away constantly. Their break up had been devastating. At the time he believed it was because the love of his life left him. Now he knew the truth. 

Eddie eventually got a drink at a bar a few blocks away. The drink refreshed and calmed him immediately. It’s funny how certain things relaxed him right away because he’d conditioned himself to feel that way. His mind began thinking about tomorrow, a chilling dread running up his neck. He scratched at the nape even though nothing truly itched. 

He was seeing his friends for a pre-engagement party celebration. Just the seven of them. The thought almost made him break out into sweats. He downed his drink and ordered another. Usually, he would be extremely excited and thrilled to see the losers club, except the next step in the arrangement, was occurring. Eddie had to come out collectively to the group. A fake coming out but that fakeness was becoming authentic with every passing moment. 

He wished there was someone he could talk this out with. There was Mike, but that felt wrong somehow. The one person he wanted to tell was Richie. What would he even say? There was a nightmare scenario he replayed every day that Richie would laugh in his face, which logically he would never do but Eddie’s attempts at controlling his imagination have never come to fruition. 

While he was absently stirring his drink, his phone started ringing. A picture popped up on his screen of Richie lifting a screaming/laughing Eddie from behind. He took an extra second to remember the joyful memory, running a finger over the picture then answered. 

He sighed into the phone, “Hey, Rich.” 

“Where you at, gumdrop?” said Richie with an obvious smile in his voice.

“A bar. The traffic was crap, so I am waiting it out.” 

“What’re you wearing?” He said suggestively.

Eddie frowned, huffing out, “Work clothes, why?” 

Richie clicked his tongue, “Cause you are supposed to be at Beverly and Ben’s celebration extravaganza in,” quick pause where Eddie figured Richie was looking at his phone for the time, “20 minutes.” 

“No, it is tomorrow.” Eddie insisted.

“No, my cutie patootie Eds, it is today.” 

“No,” He said slowly. “It’s on Friday, you turd.” 

A laugh came through the phone, “Today IS Friday.” 

Eddie paused as horror sunk in fast and deep. “Oh shit…”

“Yeah, so see you at the restaurant!” Richie hung up, leaving Eddie to his panic.

He slapped down a $20 on the bar counter, despite the drink being less than half that and bolted out the door. He ran past the bouncer who shouted, “Don’t trip, kid!”

His car turned on with a roar then he zoomed out of the space. The traffic had significantly cleared which worked in his favor as his car swerved around dangerously. His heart pounded with adrenaline. When he pulled up in front of the restaurant, Richie was standing on the curb smoking a cigarette. 

Eddie gave the valet his car keys, not even thinking about how much that would cost him at the end of the night, and hurried over to his friend. 

“The prodigal son has returned!” Richie tossed the second half of his cigarette on the ground, stomping it out for good measure. As Eddie neared Richie wrapped an arm around his shoulders pulling them close together. The smell of smoke was both overwhelming and familiar. As much as Eddie despised the disgusting habit, he was so used to it that he could brush it off. 

Eddie pushed on his chest to free himself a little but not enough to break contact. “I can’t believe I fucking forgot.” 

“Take a minute to breathe, Eds. Where’s your head been at lately?” Richie asked in what he probably thought was a casual tone, except, Eddie knew better. His friend was really asking ‘Where have you been?' or 'Why are you isolating yourself?’. 

Isolation was the only solution for hiding his emotions, which had been many and increasing each day he spent alone with his thoughts. 

Instead of answering the question, Eddie shrugged and smiled lightly. 

Richie reached up and pinched Eddie’s cheek with a “Cute, cute, cute!”

“Stop it, I hate that!” 

He laughed, “You ready to do this?” 

Eddie took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, “I can’t do this.” 

“You CAN do this!” said Richie with excitement. “Just be yourself.”

“Fake coming out to my friends is the worst idea we’ve ever had. It is wrong.”

“What do you suggest then?”

Eddie nervously glanced at his feet, “I think we should just out ourselves to Bill like we planned next.”

“You think they are going to believe Bill without any pretense? No, you have to come out and it has to be tonight since it’ll be the only time we are all together before Beverly and Ben’s engagement party. If you steal her thunder in any way, she will murder. Who she’ll murder is unclear but it starts with Ed and ends with die. Hey! That was more clever than I intended.”

Eddie swallowed, “Alright, but Richie…”

He made a tracing motion toward the ground “There will be a chalk shaped Eddie on the ground with Beverly DNA everywhere. It’s going to work, Eds. I promise.”

“Don’t call me, Eds. Listen, Rich I…”

“Stop trying to come up with excuses! It’s going to be fine.”

“No, Richie! Just shut up a second!” His heart was beating out of his chest, he had to tell Richie what he had been going through or everything could be ruined. He had to give him an out if he wanted. Eddie shrugged off Richie’s arm, so they were facing each other. “I’ve been thinking that I...I…”

“Well, spit it out Eds. Thinking what?” 

“I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY LIKE GUYS!”

Richie stood shocked and silent at first, just staring. Those ice-blue eyes hiding secrets and judgments that Eddie desperately wanted to hear aloud. Tears had caught in Eddie’s eyes which he blinked away quickly. “Well! Don’t just stand there, asshole! Say SOMETHING!” He demanded. 

“I...I…” Richie sputtered face turning crimson red. 

“Well, spit it out, Trashmouth.” mocked Eddie.

“I do too.” He gasped out. 

It was Eddie’s turn to stare in silence. “Sorry, I think I went temporarily insane. Repeat that?”

“I like guys, too. I have since college.” Richie sighed with relief. “Maybe longer.”

“What? You have?” This revelation made Eddie take a step back. “I had no idea.”

“Not relevant information to disclose.” Shrugged Richie. 

Eddie gave a confused look then lowered his eyes skeptically, “This isn’t a joke, Richie. I actually believe I am gay.”

“You're the one who shoved a rainbow cake with sprinkles on top of my bisexual pie.” Richie’s eyes twinkled. 

“Wow,” A smile broke out across both their faces, pure joy at the realization that they weren’t alone. They had never been alone. “What were the chances that 2 out of the 7 of us friends would be gay.” 

They stood there, in a rare silence, watching each other with a newfound comradery that didn’t seem possible after 20 years of friendship. Richie grabbed Eddie’s forearm and pulled him in for a hug, which was returned 10 fold. Tears that he forgot to keep holding in fell into the side of Richie’s neck. His emotions were on a rollercoaster with no chance of stopping. He faintly heard Richie say, “Eddie, I…”

He didn’t get to finish what he planned to say because a “Richie! Eddie! W-what’s the hold up?” Interrupted them. They quickly broke their embrace as Bill appeared beside them. He looked calm despite a bit of impatience in his eyes, then saw their faces and concern washed over him immediately. 

Bill put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, the weight very comforting. “Everything ok?” He reached in his pocket and took out a travel tissue pack. Eddie gave a watery giggle, taking one and blowing his nose. 

“Yeah, Big Bill,” said Eddie. “Everything’s great.” And he found that his words were true.

After a few more breathes and checking himself in the selfie camera of his phone, Eddie felt ready to face his friends. The three men walked into the restaurant, heading to a back room that Ben reserved for the occasion. 

“Congrats to the couple!” Richie shouted as he bounded over to bear hug and lift Beverly off her feet. She laughed swatting at him, “Let me go you dorkface!” 

“Dorkface!” Exclaimed Richie. “Of all the sass to receive from your dude of honor.” 

Eddie watched the exchange warmly. Ben patted him on the back. “Traffic?” 

“Huh? Oh yeah.” Eddie said embarrassed. “Tons.” 

“There was a car fire and crash on the bridge.” Came the dry, toneless voice of Stanley Uris. “Surprised it wasn’t you Eddie, with all your road rage.”

Eddie gave a pout in Stanley’s direction but walked over to his friend for a handshake and a hug. “Such a kind, warm greeting from you Stan. I miss you, too.” 

“Where’ve you been lately?” He sounded unperturbed, but he wouldn’t ask if there wasn’t a genuine concern.

“Oh ya know,” Eddie trailed off with a shrug. Stanley lifted an eyebrow but didn’t push it, for now at least.

Eddie started to seat himself between Stanley and Ben when Richie grabbed his collar jerking him backward. “Scoot over, Stan the man.” 

Stanley rolled his eyes, “No.” 

“Why?” asked Richie.

“Because I am comfortable here.” 

“You’re being a stinker, Stanley. Move to the seat next to Ben. You like Ben, don’t you?” 

“Of course I…”

Richie looked right at Ben, “Too bad for you, Benny boy, it seems Stanley doesn’t like you anymore.” 

“Beep- beep, Richie,” Beverly warned while drinking a glass of wine and placing a hand on Ben’s arm. 

“I’m just saying it is suspect that the best man doesn’t want to sit next to the groom.” 

“He’s not a groom until the wedding day.” Stanley insisted. “And I am already sitting…” 

“Richie isn’t gonna let it go, Stan. Just move over one.” said Bill with strong finality. None of the losers liked to admit anymore that Bill remained the group’s leader even into adulthood. But when he made a request it was usually followed with little argument. Eddie figured it didn’t matter how independent any of them grew up to be, Bill still held a controlling rope over them. Something Stanley was known to resent.

He moved over a seat as Eddie gave an apologetic look at every one. Getting between Richie and Stanley tended to end in him being yelled at, so he rarely bothered anymore. Besides, he bickered with Richie more than anyone else so Stanley had no room to complain. 

Richie glanced around the room realizing they had a missing loser. “Where’s Mike?” 

“Bathroom,” Responded Beverly, still nursing her drink. “How was work, Eddie?” 

“Fine, I guess.” The last thing he wanted to talk about, except his mother, was his boring job. “An econ student was hired as my intern, which makes me think I’ve finally made it.” 

“Poor bastard is in for a world of ribbing by all your accounting co-workers,” said Richie, bumping Eddie’s shoulder. 

Eddie laughed, “Oh, I already made a joke at him today. Why do economists exist?” He scanned around the table then opened his mouth to answer. 

Mike’s voice interrupted from the door of the private room, “So accountants have someone to laugh at.”

“Mike!” whined Eddie. “You stole my punch line.”

“Sorry, Eddie.” He took his seat between Beverly and Bill. 

Stanley smirked, “You practiced that joke didn’t you.” 

“Shut up,” Eddie groaned. “How was your trip, Ben?” 

“Not the best,” Ben sighed, he wore a deprecating grin. No matter the story, Ben always had some kind of upturned smile, it was a unique quality. Considering most people told Eddie he had sad eyes, being able to smile at all times would be an excellent trait. “I didn’t leave early enough like I usually do because it was so early in the morning. I left my water bottle in the rental car they got me, then ran from TSA to the gate, was in my seat when I realized the sweater Bev got me for my birthday was back at security.” 

Beverly rubbed his back soothingly, “We can get you new ones of both those things.”

“I know, it’s just a bummer because they were special items before I lost them.” Eddie understood. Ben and he shared the same mentality about their personal items, each thing they owned held a nice memory. He knew that the water bottle was one Ben got from his job after the big promotion, he could ask for another one but it wouldn’t be the same as the moment he received the gift. The feeling of pride and achievement all through a meaningless material item. 

“Well, lucky for you, Ben.” Richie pulled out something from his bag, handing it across the table to Ben. “I had these made for everyone.” Richie continued grabbing water bottles from his bag, passing them around. 

“This is so nice, Rich!” said Beverly. She laughed at the label. Eddie looked down at his seeing ‘#TeamBenverly’. It was great quality, a platted maroon paint covered the bottle with the lettering in a bold white. 

“I still have the keychain you gave us for my bachelor party.” said Bill.

“That’s right!” Mike chimed in. “What does it say again?” 

“Big Bill’s Bitchin’ Bachelor Bash.” Stanley drawled. “Kinda clever.” 

Richie grabbed Eddie’s shoulder, making Eddie almost jump in confusion. He stared at Richie, who was clutching his heart in mock shock, “A compliment? I don’t think I can  _ handle _ that from you, Stanley Urine.” 

“I take it back,” said Stanley, “You don’t have any cleverness. Only idiocy.” 

“Hmmmm, insults,” Richie leaned in front of Eddie, still holding his shoulder as his face got closer to an unamused Stanley. “They feed my very soul.” 

Eddie placed his hand over Richie’s face and pushed him backward the metal of his glasses digging into Eddie’s hand, “Your soul has a healthy appetite then.” 

“Oof, your words fill me up most, Eds.” 

“Eds is a dumb nickname and you know it.” 

“Alright, alright!” Mike called the attention toward him. “Let’s hear from Ben and Beverly. A decade of being together and now you’re tying the knot. How does it feel?” 

Ben looked to Beverly, who smiled sweetly at him. “Feels perfect,” said Ben simply, but in those two words, he expressed years worth of working toward friendship and partnership that went beyond infatuation. “I’m so happy. And even happier to have my best friends around to celebrate.” 

“This wedding is really about coming together,” started Beverly, “With our friends, the family we’ve chosen, to celebrate love. I think what we have with all of you is rare and...” 

Eddie thought deeply about her phrasing ‘the family we’ve chosen’. He had many issues with his mother, different than Beverly’s father problems but they both came from toxic environments. Kindred spirits in a dark and twisted way. 

With all his thoughts lately, he had pushed down how his mother would react. He may never tell her, if he could help it. Her religious views left no room for tolerance on the subject. 

He shoved thinking about his mother deep in a box in his brain and focused on Beverly, who was still speaking, “...so just thank you for being there for us. Anyway, let’s fucking celebrate!” 

They all cheered, Eddie looking around with a smile on his face. With his ‘chosen family’ he could trust them to love him no matter what. 

As the night wore on with lots of laughs, food, and stories. Ben brought up the story of when he finally got the courage to ask out Beverly, “I was waiting outside of school, sweating profusely, despite wearing 2 sweaters…”

“You always wore so many layers!” said Bill laughing. 

“Well, when you are fat and subconscious, that’s how you hide it.” Ben said, voice lowering a bit in embarrassment. 

“Ben Handsome now shows off his true glory and beauty.” said Richie with a wink. “Just the way I like it.”

“Beep- beep, Richie.” Blushed Ben. “As I was saying, I waited outside and she approached me like in slow motion. I thought I was going to throw up. As I opened my mouth to say something she said,” He motioned for Beverly to continue the story. 

She giggled, “I said, ‘Ben, let’s go to prom together’. His face drained of color and he passed out.” The whole room erupted in laughs. “I..I was knocked to the ground!” Beverly tried to say through gleeful tears, “He fell forward into me.” 

“You were a very pleasant landing.” Ben smiled in mortification. 

“You planning to faint at your wedding too?” said Stanley, “As your best man, I will need to prepare.” 

“No, I’m not. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” said Richie. “I will have a fainting couch ready as a precaution.”

“You’ll probably just jump in front of Beverly and take one for the team,” piped Eddie.

“Speaking of the wedding,” Stanely rounded on Eddie and Richie. A dread bubbled in Eddie’s stomach. “You two having to bring dates is the smartest rule. I should have thought of that for my wedding.” 

Richie threw his napkin at Stanley’s face, “Don’t make me take YOU as my date Stan the man.” 

“You could never get this, Trashmouth.” 

“I can get whoever I want. Right, Eds?” 

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie mumbled. “While we are on the subject, just so no one is surprised, I might bring someone who none of you would expect.” Eddie felt his knee being squeezed from under the table. It took him a moment to realize it was Richie’s hand, he was giving a warning. Most likely telling him to keep the details limited, but Eddie hoped it was a touch for encouragement.

“Please, don’t bring Myra.” said Mike making the group groan collectively. 

“Now, that would be unexpected.” Richie snickered.

“Eddie, you’re not actually thinking…” said Bill seriously. “Beverly, if they get back together I blame you.” 

“Me?!” Beverly opened her mouth to fight but Eddie interrupted. 

“Hello! Back to me, losers. I am not bringing Myra. I am not even interested in women!” The words slipped out quick, and he wished they could be suctioned into his mouth once more. 

They went quiet, as the news hit them. Mike was smiling at Eddie. He felt his bravery trickling into cowardice the longer none of them said anything. 

“S-so does this mean,” began Bill. “That you-you’re g-“

“Gay? Yes, stuttering Bill.” Richie answered seeming to be frustrated by Bill’s condition for the first time in a long time. Then a chair screeched out and Beverly ran around the table, slamming herself into Eddie. 

Her soft hair tickled his neck, his heart was calming down from her sudden show of affection. He placed a hand on the arm she slung over his chest. Richie’s hand hadn’t left his knee either. Everyone else’s reactions were fairly standard, awkward congratulations or they were proud of him, all expected. The surprising reaction was Stanley, perhaps because he didn’t react at all. He was silent for the rest of the evening. 

As they all stood outside saying goodbyes, Stanley seemed to linger a little aways from Eddie. He waited for the rest to leave, Richie was the last to hug him and head to his car. He wandered toward Stanley hesitantly. The taller man was twisting his key in hand repetitively, tapping his foot methodically. 

“So,” Eddie begun lightly, “I’ll see you later?” 

“Yeah,” answered Stanley stiffly. Eddie cocked his head to the side trying to meet his friend’s eyes, then gave up turning to leave. “How do you know?” Came his voice clearly from behind.

Eddie turned around, a few paces away. “Know what, Stan?”

“That you’re into guys.” 

“Because I just do?”

“How long have you known?” 

“Er...that’s more complicated. I mean I’ve been sitting on it for a month but..”

“A month?” interrupted Stanley, he was getting pink in the cheeks. “You’ve known a month and are coming out. That’s not enough time to know.” 

“What’re you talking about?” Eddie was trying to keep his voice calm, he could feel that tingle of rage that surges in him when he feels attacked.

“Have you ever been with a guy?” 

“What does that have to do with knowing whether I am gay? I know that every time I’ve thought of girls it hasn’t been the same as with guys. Or how with Myra...” 

“Ok, yeah! Myra!” He rose his voice like winning some kind of twisted victory. “You were with her for a year and you really didn’t know?”

“Stan, you’re being a jackass.” 

“I am trying to understand why you kept this from us?” 

“From YOU, you mean? Stan, I didn’t keep it from anyone. I was figuring out my shit, then I talked about it with Mike and…”

“You told Mike first?” 

“Um...no…” He caught himself quickly. “I told Richie first then Mike.” 

A hurt flashed over Stanley’s eyes that Eddie hadn’t seen in years. “You told them before me?” 

“Stan...come on. I told the rest of you at the same time. It was just easier to tell them at the time.” 

“I’ve known you as long as Richie has. Much longer than Mike.”

“It’s not about that!” Eddie was at a loss. This was getting nowhere. “I don’t know what to say, Stan. I’m not going to apologize.” 

“There is nothing to apologize for.”

“Then why are you fighting with me like there is?” 

Stanley remained silent. His arguments lost on his tongue. “I am tired. I will talk to you later.” And he walked away. Eddie stood there, stomach twisting the food inside uncomfortably, eyes watery from the sadness creeping in his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the patience for the new chapter! Longer one cause I apparently had a lot to get through. I am starting a second job soon, but I will keep working on the next chapter as inspiration hits. Don't forget to subscribe!
> 
> Comments "feed my very soul", post questions and thoughts!


	4. Every Time We Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They look like something out of fucking Vogue.” Richie commented as he did a wolf whistle, equally directed at both their friends. 
> 
> Eddie nodded, “We look like trash in comparison.”
> 
> “We are trash humans, so it makes sense.” 
> 
> “With you being the trashiest, trashmouth.”

"Hello, all my early morning listeners, we are taking things down a couple notches. Anyone who's been listening for a while knows I hate slow songs on the radio, but I'm feeling sappy and think we need to hear someone who always pulls a few tears out of me. That's right, Richie Records Tozier lets himself cry once in a while. Let's listen to the King." Eddie smiled as Elvis Presley’s version of _ Can't Help Falling in Love _played through his phone. He wasn't sure what made Richie play this song on the radio today. Chalked it up to being really tired. Between having this painful time slot at 2:00 AM to 5:00 AM, picking up overtime hours as an admin for the radio station, and throwing in some stand-up nights when he could, exhaustion was a constant state Richie felt. The adrenaline bunny faked it well with everyone, always hyped up on coffee or 5-hour energies, but he always ended up crashing hard.

Eddie rarely listened to Richie’s time slot because he preferred sleep but they hadn’t seen each other lately. He was beginning to miss the sound of the goof’s voice. Earlier last week, Eddie came home to Richie sleeping on the couch. He did this sometimes out of the blue. It must be lonely working in the entertainment business with crazy hours. Eddie had covered him in a blanket, then made dinner. Richie gratefully ate, since he tended to eat out a lot, a home-cooked meal was welcomed. 

_ “I wish we lived together,” _ Richie brought up. _ “Then we’d see each other way more.” _

_ “Friends shouldn’t live together.” _Eddie had told him. He was concerned about them getting sick of each other. Bill and Stanley were roommates for a year, it almost ruined their friendship. 

Right now, he wished they lived together. Or were neighbors. Something to make the proximity less elephantine. 

Eddie’s phone buzzed lowering the radio on his phone for a second so he would hear it. He picked it up off the side table and saw the message: 

**Richie: Tomorrow, I’ll pick you up at like 9:00 am**

**Eddie: Today is tomorrow**

**Richie: Smartass haha**

**Eddie: Just come over after work.**

**Richie: Wait...WHY ARE YOU UP?!**

**Eddie: Anxiety**

**Richie: About what?**

**Eddie: Life, friends, work**

**Richie: Anything I can do to help?**

**Eddie: Nah, just be here. **

**Richie: Well, I am technologically here for you and will be physically there for you at 6:00 am.**

**Eddie: Thanks**

Eddie put his phone down and tried closing his eyes. He ended up falling in and out of sleep, having weird dreams that left him unsettled. At some point, he faintly heard the door to his room open then a shift on the queen-sized bed as a body roughly hit the mattress. 

He flipped over to see Richie with his eyes closed. “How was work?” He asked.

“Longggg.” 

“You can sleep on the couch or the guest room if you want.” 

“Shhhhh,” Richie responded slapping his hand over Eddie’s face annoyingly. “Sleep. I’m being a present friend.” Eddie removed the hand throwing it back at Richie. His friend’s breathing evened out and became deep so quickly. Eddie envied the ability to sleep whenever and wherever. 

He beamed at the thought because the losers started a game of taking pictures every time Richie fell asleep while hanging out. Which was all the time, especially if they were watching a movie. 

Bill always told him, “Richie, don’t lay down. You’ll fall asleep.”

While Mike would laugh saying, “He’s assuming the position.” 

“I won’t.” But inevitably he would and they’d snap pictures with the caption ‘Non-stop fun with Richie Tozier’. Eddie had a whole album full on his phone. 

They dosed for three more hours before two alarms went off forcing them to face the day. Eddie got ready with a nice shower, tossing on a white button-up, light blue suit jacket, black tie, black slacks, and black shiny shoes. He had bought the suit some years ago but never wore it. He believed it didn’t fit his aesthetic but right now he wanted to be a little adventurous. 

As he stood in the bathroom staring at his reflection, he believed he cleaned up pretty well. His right parted, mousy brown hair looked soft and relaxed. There was this weird feeling that he knew himself a little better each day. The things that used to bother him: his upturned nose, random uneven freckles, and as his mother said ‘sad dull brown eyes’ didn’t get him down anymore. It was not wrong to like himself. 

The bathroom door swung open abruptly nearly slamming into him. “Richie, personal SPACE. What if I was peeing?!” 

“Nothing I haven’t seen at some point in our friendship.” Richie grabbed a comb from the counter but his dark unruly hair didn’t budge. “Do you have a brush?” 

Eddie sat on the toilet seat and opened the sink cabinet. He pulled out a toiletry bag stuffed to the brim with items Richie had left over the years. Richie grabbed it with a quick, “Thanks!” 

Instead of scooting past and out of the small bathroom, Eddie chose to stay side-eyeing his friend getting ready as he scrolled through his phone. 

Richie had opted to wear a reddish burgundy colored two-piece suit. He left his black, stylish glasses on instead of wearing his contacts. Maybe his eyes were tired. There was a black untied bowtie around his neck that Eddie itched to tie for him. There was a comfortable silence that settled between them as Richie rummaged through the bag for cologne. He pulled out a gel bottle and was about to place some in his hand, “No don’t.” Eddie found himself saying, “I like your natural curls.” 

His cheeks warmed a bit at this admission. That’s not something you say to your fake dating best friend. If only Richie could leave so Eddie could beat his head against the sink. 

“Gel never works on my stupid hair anyway,” complained Richie. He took an extra second to look in the mirror and cocked his head, “As always this is as good as it’s gonna get.” 

Eddie chuckled at the Princess Diaries quote. “Good cleans up well.”

Richie glanced down at him then focused his eyes on the top of Eddie’s head. “Grey hair.” 

“Oh fuck, pull it out.” He presented his head as Richie pulled the hair out. There was a tiny tug then he looked up at Richie with a grimace. “We’re getting old.”

“Nah,” Richie’s fingers lingered on his head then lightly traced the side of his face. “Forever young.”

The touch was gentle, but left a scorching hot feeling in his face. This kind of talk left him confused wishing his brain would give answers to questions he didn’t know how to ask. Then Richie broke into song, “_ Forever young, I want to be forever young. Do you really want to live forever? _” The moment whooshed away as Eddie snickered.

Richie began trying to tie his bowtie, he was out of practice and failing quickly. “I’ll help.” offered Eddie perhaps to eagerly, Richie distracted him with jokes about them being too domestic, but eventually he tied it beautifully. 

“Ready?” Eddie asked, checking himself in the mirror again. 

“Ready!” said Richie staring at him through the mirror with sparklingly irises.

They arrived at the engagement party or rather, engagement brunch, just in time. It was at Bill’s house, a tasteful two-story. They checked in with the party planner at the door, who smiled generously at Richie. A small hot irritated spear hit Eddie’s head when Richie smiled back, eyes lingering on her. 

Eddie bumped his shoulder, “Stop ogling her.” 

“She gave me eye consent.” 

“Not a thing.”

“We should tell our government that.”

Eddie shook his head in agreement, still a little exasperated. There were people mingling around everywhere. An unfortunate aspect to Bev and Ben was their ability to make friends with everyone they meet. Eddie could name on two hands the people he’d want at his wedding, barely even both hands. They headed toward a standing table with their friends mingling about. 

Bill and Stanley’s wife, Patty, were chatting about something. Bill was in a dark blue suit with a dark tie, and a light blue plaid patterned collared shirt. Patty had her frizzy brown hair in a ponytail and simple fall-colored, flowing dress. Audra, Bill’s wife, was standing a little aways sipping her cocktail and talking to anyone who walked by. She was in every sense of the word a movie star, her profession and appearance. Dark blue dress with her long red hair pinned and hair sprayed into flawless curls. 

She noticed them walking up first and squealed. It was shocking because she gave Eddie a huge hug, “I told Bill that I knew you might be.” Audra said excitedly, smelling of vodka and perfume. 

“Er...hi Audra.” said Eddie awkwardly. “Knew I might be what?” 

“Gay! I had a feeling ever since I met you.” She seemed absolutely thrilled. The color drained from his face. He had no idea why she was so happy to have guessed it. The reaction gave him an uneasy feeling. _ How did she think she knew him so well? _

“The implication that you know Eddie better than he knows himself is unlikely, Audra.” Richie’s voice was light despite the snarky comment. He shouldn’t be surprised they had the same thought, even if Richie voiced it when he never would. The man led his life being only aggressive, there wasn’t a passive bone in his body. He was direct and jarringly honest, borderline rude sometimes. Rare that people noticed the rudeness because he was usually the friendliest.

Eddie found this trait inspiring but only in the way Richie used it. To protect people, defend others, or stand up for himself. Eddie had been raised by an aggressive mother, but she used her aggression to manipulate and hurt situations. The complete reverse tactic. 

Eddie found he mostly kept everything inside. In fact, he had a policy of not revealing too much. He would hold all his emotions right at the surface and then one day he’d die.

Audra looked so mortified, “I’m sorry,” was all she could muster. Bill frowned deeply at Richie, who didn’t look like he cared for the apology. 

“Where’s Stan the man?” asked Richie. Eddie tensed, they hadn’t spoken since the fight. Any disagreement Eddie and Stanley have had in the past always ended with a quick sorry or they just got over it easily. Eddie had no idea what he was supposed to do if they fought for real. 

Patty was saying something about Stanley fetching a stronger drink. Eddie hoped that drink wasn’t because he walked in the room. He considered about breaking away to corner Stan but remembered this gathering wasn’t about anyone else except Bev and Ben.

“Rich?” said Bill. “Why did they hire a check-in person? Seems excessive for a brunch.” 

Richie shared a look with Eddie, they had talked about it the other day with Beverly. 

_ “I don’t want any chance my dad will come.” _Her voice was so final at the time that Eddie felt like he was being scolded. 

_ “I’ll just kick his ass and throw the man out.” _Richie had threatened.

_ “No you won’t.” _ Insisted Eddie. 

_ “He’s right, I’m a lover, not a fighter.” _

_ “And you would lose the fight.” _ Beverly smirked bitterly. _ “But I appreciate the sentiment.” _

_ “Let’s hire someone to check people in.” _ suggested Eddie. _ “And they have strict instructions not to let anyone in who isn’t on the list.” _

_ “Oh!” _ Beverly’s eyes lit up. _ “That’s a great idea.” _

Richie explained all this to the group, each nodding in understanding. 

“I wonder if they will ever patch things up.” asked Audra. 

“I doubt that.” Bill said with a grimace, rubbing his wife’s back. 

“I mean it’s her father.” Audra said with disappointment. 

Eddie frowned at her. He usually really liked Audra but she was getting on his nerves quickly tonight. “Her situation isn’t black and white. She doesn’t have to see that man if she doesn’t want.” 

Audra flashed him a defensive gaze, opened her mouth to retort but Bill signaled her subtly to stop. With pursed lips, she said, “I have to check on the caterers.” And walked away, Bill trailing after her. 

“That was probably rude,” Eddie said with a sinking in his gut. “Audra’s throwing this party. She is just trying to relax and I am being a jerk.”

Richie tugged on Eddie’s suit jacket, “It’s fine. You weren’t that bad and she’s clearly had a bit to drink, so not thinking.”

Stanley approached the table out of nowhere, “Patty, let’s go outside.” Without even giving Eddie a glance, they walked off. 

“Erm, hello Stanley?!” said a confused Richie as Stan merely waved, not turning back. “Is everyone on new antidepressants tonight? Emotions are all over the place.”

Eddie wasn’t sure Richie felt the same, but there’s a tweak of loneliness that occurs when friends walk off with their significant others. They get the reassurance that someone will always be by their side, unconditionally be there for them. 

His shoulder was being shaken, he gave his attention toward Richie, “Here, champagne from a caterer. The happy couple must be coming out soon.” 

A smile crept onto his face as he regarded gratefully that at least he had Richie. Even when they dated other people, being in each other’s lives was a priority. 

Their eyes met and a flicker of something reflected in Richie’s blues. Eddie opened his mouth to ask if everything was alright but clapping had started filling the room. He turned as Beverly and Ben were walking down the stairs. Ben was wearing a lavender suit which Beverly must’ve designed because her long flowy, plunging neckline lavender dress matched exactly. 

“They look like something out of fucking Vogue.” Richie commented as he did a wolf whistle, equally directed at both their friends. 

Eddie nodded, “We look like trash in comparison.”

“We are trash humans, so it makes sense.” 

“With you being the trashiest, trashmouth.”

Richie swung an arm around Eddie’s neck leaning all his weight. Eddie had to plant his feet better as this move almost tipped them over. 

Ben gave a poetic speech about love and finding his soulmate, while Beverly was close to tears. 

“Just wait,” Richie said with glee. “He’s going to mention the poem he wrote her in middle school.” Sure enough, the poem was referenced as the beginning of their love story. 

“January embers, my loins burn there, too.” Richie mocked. This made Eddie snort and jab him in the side. 

As cheers erupted in the room, Eddie turned toward Richie, glass ready for clinking. Then he realized their position become precarious, with faces extremely close. There was a heat engulfing his neck and cheeks, despite being completely sober. A sudden need to eliminate the distance entirely surging within. Richie smiled, his eyes going darker, pink dusting his cheeks. He had to know Eddie was flustered. 

Suddenly, they were moving forward, clinking forgotten. Richie was guiding them toward Beverly and Ben. His arm retracted from around his shoulder then a hand slowly went down Eddie’s spine to his lower back. The gesture was so intimate and surprising, a little gasp came out his mouth. 

“Beverly Marsh! You look RADIANT darlin!” said Richie with a fake snobby, British accent. 

She giggled then answered with her own British accent, “And what about you ole chap. That suit does wonders for you. And let’s not forget the man on your arm in his dashing baby blue.”

“You two are ridiculous.” Eddie grinned.

“At least they have each other,” Ben agreed with a kind chortle.

“Alright, let’s chat with these fools we call friends, even if I would rather talk to you two all night. See you later?” Beverly flipped her short hair and lead Ben through the adoring crowd. 

Richie’s hand hadn’t retracted, leading to him downing the rest of his champagne and immediately snatching up another from a passing caterer. 

Feeling successfully flushed, Eddie said, “I need some air.” When Richie made to follow, he finally stepped out of the touch, “Do you mind grabbing me a plate of something, please?” 

“Sure! Something with lots of pickles I assume?” 

“If there are pickles on my plate, I’m dropping them down your pants.” He spun on his heel toward the backyard. 

It took a minute to push through the guests, he arrived at the sliding doors. Before opening them, a hand landed on his shoulder. He knew it was Mike before turning around. 

“You made it!” said Eddie relieved. “I was wondering if you had to work this afternoon.” They embraced and headed outside. 

“I worked this morning, then my boss told me to go to the party.” Mike headed toward an empty table. 

“You _ are _ the boss, Mikey.” Laughed Eddie. 

“And I listen well to my employees and when they need to party.”

Eddie grinned sneakily, “Especially the new employee, right?”

“Nosy,” Mike said lightheartedly. 

Eddie glanced around the backyard with appreciation. It was decorated with small twinkling lights, Bill and Audra had a hot tub which Eddie eyed with jealousy. He loved a good soak in a tub. There were a few guests mingling about, admiring Audra’s little rose garden. Stanley and Patty were talking animatedly off to the side. 

Eddie and Mike caught up on a few things, then Mike said, “So I saw Bill trying to help an angry Audra and Patty is attempting to talk to a sulking Stanley over there. Did we all forget who this party is about?”

Eddie shrugged unhappily, “I’m afraid both of those are my fault.” 

His eyes raised unconvinced, “How so?”

“Stanley’s mad I’m gay and didn’t tell him. Audra’s mad cause she tried to congratulate me on being gay and I wasn’t very receptive to it.” 

Mike lightly bumped Eddie’s shoulder with a fist. “It’s not your responsibility to make anyone feel better because they put their feet in their mouths.”

A skeptical glance by Eddie made Mike rethink his tactic. “If they made you feel awful, it is not your problem or fault. You’ve got enough to worry about without other people making you feel bad.” 

“Will you talk to Stan?” Eddie asked guiltily. “Please, Mikey.”

Mike nodded slowly, confrontation was his least favorite activity. If Mike could go life without fighting or arguing, he would choose that in a heartbeat. 

His eyes looked past Eddie at someone approaching. It was Richie with two plates piled high with eggs, bacon, sausage, hashbrowns, and bagels. 

“Didn’t know you were here, Mikey!” Richie plopped down beside Eddie. “I would’ve grabbed a plate.” 

Mike waved dismissively, “No, worries. I need to say hi to Bev and Ben then I’ll eat. Before I forget, are we on to see Kiss in concert?” 

“Oh definitely,” said Richie halfway through eating a big sausage. “I’ll grab the tickets, you venmo when you can.” 

“Lifesaver,” He said in relief. “I have to wait until my next paycheck.” 

“All good my man!” 

Mike jogged back into the house. Eddie appreciated this about Richie so much. Ever since Richie had an allowance, he would always front the money for friends, never positive they would pay him back. Which he didn’t mind how long they took, it wasn’t important. If they never paid, he wouldn’t care. 

“Can I come to the Kiss concert?” He asked. 

“Totally! It’s in March, I’ll grab 3.” 

It wasn’t even the kind of music he cared for but going to rock concerts with Mike and Richie were amazing. They both had such a wide range of band knowledge. Every debate was legendary about music. Both were passionate about different parts of Rock, so it made for some lively discussions. 

Once they had eaten, Beverly came out to grab them, raving about how good the desserts were. This got them rushing back into the house. They shared both flavors of cake, until Richie pushed the cake plate into Eddie’s face. 

“Richie!” Eddie squealed as he rushed toward the bathroom. It was locked, so he ran upstairs, into the master bedroom bathroom to clean himself off. Icing had gotten in his hair and up his nose. It was extremely unpleasant. He took a couple minutes to calm down, the scene he had just made was the kind of embarrassment he would be thinking about on loop for months. He was sure that sitting in his work cubicle in two months, he would have a sudden cringe attack at this memory. 

He looked at his pink and thoroughly rubbed face with exasperation, he couldn’t help laughing. Richie was trash but he sure knew how to have fun. 

When he emerged from the bathroom, Richie was standing in the room with a guilty grin. “You got it out.”

“Fuck you.” 

“Forgive me, Eds!” Richie begged as he got down on his knees. A common way for Richie to behave when he wanted Eddie’s attention. There would be no real ‘Sorry’, only theatrics. 

He pointed a threatening finger in between Richie’s eyes. “At the wedding, I’m shoving your face in the cake.”

Richie bounced onto his feet. “Yes! Delicious.” 

Eddie glanced around the surroundings. The bedroom was decorated simply, white walls, tall ceiling, and large windows facing the backyard. They were currently closed for privacy. “I haven’t been in Bill’s room since we were kids.” 

Richie picked up a jewelry box then put it back down. “I saw his room when Stanley and him lived together, it was a mess. This is way cleaner.” 

Eddie figured Audra was probably the culprit. The room didn’t look like Bill inhabited it much, which was weird because he was a writer. Leaving his house was a rarity nowadays with all the deadlines he had to meet. Perhaps he spent most time in his study. 

“My mom used to hate when Bill came over. He’d make a mess and never clean up after himself.” Richie recalled. 

“I didn’t have that issue since none of you were allowed over.” Eddie said glumly. 

Richie gave a sympathetic look. “Speaking of Mom, she did a weird thing the other day.” said Richie as he sat on the bed. Eddie didn’t join him right away, still admiring the bedroom’s odd knick-knacks. 

“What did Mrs. Tozier do?” 

Richie rolled his eyes, “You’ve known the woman since kindergarten, I think you can call her, Margaret.” 

“And one day I will feel comfortable doing that.”

“You’re 30, when will that be?”

“When I’m 37 of course. I will be in my final form at 37.” He said jokingly serious.

Richie shook with laughter. “Such a specific number. Well, 7 more years to go.” 

“So what did Mrs...Margaret do?” Eddie corrected. 

Richie smirked at the effort. “She gave me a gift.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a simple gold ring.

“A wedding band?”

“It’s dad’s.”

“Oh,” Eddie shifted his weight then, not being able to help himself, walked over to sit beside Richie. 

“Lost the old man a year ago.” 

“Have you been missing him lately?”

“Every damn day.” Richie took his glasses off, he wasn’t crying but was a little teary-eyed. 

Eddie stopped from saying the obligatory _ ‘I’m sorry’ _ because Richie hated when people gave sympathy in a useless way. If he was being honest, he wanted to give Richie a hug or touch him in some way, hold his hand, something. Except he didn’t know if that was right either. “What was his favorite dad joke to tell again?”

Richie gave a watery laughed, “What is a dentist’s favorite movie?”

“What?”

“Plaque to the Future!” 

Eddie snorted, “God, it’s worse cause it is also a dentist joke.” 

“His poor patients suffered through hundreds. But everyone loved dad. People only stopped going to him if they had moved or died.” 

“Pleasant.”

“What do I do with the ring?” 

Eddie glanced down at his own hands. On his left pinkie was his own father’s wedding ring. His mother gave it to him when he was about 14. “You could wear it.”

“Nah, don’t want to seem like I’m married to my mom.”

“Thanks.” said Eddie tersely. 

Richie stared at him, “Wha...right. Forgot.”

“It’s fine. I know it’s weird. I just like to stay close to him in a small way. At least it is on my pinkie. Not that is fits anywhere else with my chubby fingers.”

“They aren’t chubby.”

“Yes, they are! Chubby and small like mom’s.”

“Well, it is the only thing you’ve got like your mom.”

It was Eddie’s chance to roll his eyes. “That is false. I also have her hair and need for everything to be in control.” 

“You let go!” Richie pressed, “I’ve seen it happen.” 

“Usually because you are making me do something out of my comfort zone.” 

Richie wiggled his eyebrows, “You like it.” 

Eddie was reading to respond ‘_ I like you’ _ but figured it would be weird. “I do like it.” 

“Back to the ring. I know if I put it in my room somewhere, it’ll be lost forever and mom will flip.”

“Definitely don’t do that. What about on the chain around your neck.” 

“Er...that?” Richie pulled the thin chain out of his shirt collar. There was a little gold cross hanging from it. 

“You haven’t gone to church for years.” Eddie pointed out.

“Listen, I did 18 years of choir, alter boying, youth group, and volunteering for The Church. That shit doesn’t leave you.” 

Eddie wouldn’t know. His mother was reclusive, they stopped going to church after his father passed. Religion sounded very restrictive, but he liked the community aspect. 

“The ring around your neck will keep your dad close whenever you need him.” 

Richie started taking off the necklace, he placed the ring on it. As he tried placing it back on, but his fingers couldn’t get the latch to stay open long enough to connect with the chain. 

“Can you help?” Richie asked, placing his glasses back on. They stood up and Eddie relatched the back of the necklace, his fingers lingering on Richie’s neck. He spun around to face Eddie. 

Eddie’s hand didn’t leave his neck, they were connected like the necklace. His eyes met Richie’s and there was that unfamiliar darkened gaze. 

“Hey Rich?” He said in a whisper.

“Yeah?” 

“I want to kiss you.” 

Richie didn’t respond right away. His eyes widened, no trace of disgust or wanting to recoil. 

“Are you going to give me verbal consent? Or just ‘eye consent’?” Eddie chuckled. 

“Oh, yeah. You can kiss me. To practice?” 

_ Practice? _ Eddie thought. He meant for their arrangement. Fuck. He had almost forgotten what all of this was for. Which meant the back touch from earlier was for show. Eddie was a complete idiot. He should have realized. Well, that wasn’t going to stop him now. 

“Yes, to practice. Makes it more convincing when we have to do it for real.” Eddie’s hand naturally caressed Richie’s cheek as he steadied himself. They were crossing over into uncharted territory. The most they ever did together was a peck when they were kids. His other hand came up slowly with a slight shake, cupping Richie’s cheeks and in his control. 

Richie’s own hands held on right above Eddie’s elbows. His heart was pounding so hard. If a doctor checked his blood pressure, it would be through the roof. His eyes fluttered closed as he tilted his head slightly, slowing erasing the distance at last. He had stopped breathing. They both had. 

At first, they didn’t move, just held their mouths together uncomfortably. Then something snapped in Richie because he was moving his mouth against Eddie’s. This forced Eddie to respond equally as enthusiastically. 

He couldn’t believe they were kissing. Truly kissing. This was nothing like any kiss he’d experienced before. It was rough, intoxicating and he still hadn’t breathed. Richie’s mouth was hot and moved restlessly, practically inflaming Eddie’s face with shock. 

The nicest part was Richie’s cologne surrounding them. He always smelled so nice, the scent of home. There was a tint of mint, mingled with cake and Champagne on his lips meaning he had been chewing gum. 

Eddie poked his tongue out hungrily, surprising himself, he licked Richie’s bottom lip. Which Richie sucked on expertly, then their tongues were clinging to each other. As with everything in their lives, this was a competition. Who could kiss better, stronger, and _ longer_? Richie’s tongue did things Eddie never imagined possible. Eddie felt he had to meet every thrust, bite, and lick with an equally as forceful response. 

His head was spinning from the lack of oxygen, but he couldn’t stop now. If this ended, what would happen next? There were no future thoughts, only the present, only this. He wouldn’t break away first, that was for sure. 

Eddie didn’t know what to do with his hands but Richie had taken hold of his hips. He squeezed his hip bones hard, like the possibility of letting go meant Eddie would dissolve. Eddie was pretty sure he would become a puddle on the ground if he did. Their bodies were at a distance but soon that was gone and there was a stirring happening between them that outright excited and terrified him. 

“HOLY SH-SHIT!” 

Eddie pulled away, stumbling backward. He was finally breathing as he stared into the eyes of Bill Denbrough, frozen at the door, looking between two of his best friends. Like they were complete strangers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this house, we barely believe in slow burns. Hope you enjoyed and be sure to stick around! Leave me your thoughts.


	5. I Don't Know Where to Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill spun around quickly, stopping them in their tracks. “You know, of all the things I thought I’d catch you two doing in my room THAT was not one of them.” 
> 
> “That’s dirty, Big Bill.” baited Richie. 
> 
> “Don’t! This isn’t funny.” 

“Bill! Wait!” Richie yelled after him. 

Eddie couldn’t even think about moving. Mortification was running through his bloodstream. This was not how things were meant to go down. They had a PLAN. A time and date when Bill would catch them kissing. 

Not at the engagement party of their best friends. 

“Come ON, Eds!” Richie grabbed his hand and tugged him forward. 

They caught up with their friend at the top of the stairs. 

“Bill!” Eddie pleaded. 

Bill spun around quickly, stopping them in their tracks. “You know, of all the things I thought I’d catch you two doing in my room THAT was not one of them.” 

“That’s dirty, Big Bill.” baited Richie. 

“Don’t! This isn’t funny.” 

“You act like we were fucking.” He scoffed. Eddie’s head whipped in his direction in horror.

“You two have?!” squeaked Bill. 

“No!” they both shouted. 

“What is happening?” he demanded.

Richie stepped forward, placing a hand on Bill’s shoulder. “Let’s talk in private.” He didn’t argue, just stomped back toward the master bedroom. 

Eddie whispered harshly, “What the fuck do we _ do_, Richie?!” 

“I got this. Improvising time.” 

“This isn’t some acting class. We have to make it believable.” 

Richie’s eyes met his. “And we will.” He was so certain, the doubt inside Eddie eased a bit. He trusted Richie to get them out of this. 

When they gathered in the bedroom again, Richie began with, “So Bill, you caught us kissing.” Turned out that was misplaced trust. Richie was about to fuck them both. 

Bill’s thin eyes became slits, “Is this another one of your pranks? You’re fucking with me right?” 

Eddie’s forehead sprinkled with sweat. He needed to lie down. Bill had caught them too soon! Months were supposed to have passed before they got caught. He crossed his arms to stop his hands from shaking.

“No,” said Richie steadily. He was totally unfazed by all this. Where Eddie felt faint, Richie looked like it was just a normal conversation. “It is not a prank.” 

“Not a prank,” Bill repeated, testing those words on his tongue. “So you,” he pointed at Eddie, “And you,” he pointed at Richie. 

“You’ve almost mastered the English language, Big Bill.” Richie smirked. “Only took you 30 years.” 

“Shut up, Richard!” 

“Make me, William!” 

Eddie glanced between the two with alarm. They never called each other by their full names. It was jarring. Bill’s eyes zoomed right at him. “Are you ok?” 

Eddie took a step back in confusion. He must come off like a deer caught in the headlights. “I...I’m fine, Billy.” He felt himself unintentionally revert back to when they were kids. Bill always the hero, _ his _ hero, the person he admired most. 

“Did Richie force himself on you as a joke?” He asked seriously. 

“What?!” Richie and Eddie yelled together. 

They started talking over each other, rapid-fire. 

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding-“

“No, no, no, no -“ 

“How could you possibly think -“

“Richie would never -“

“Ok! OK!” Bill raised his voice defensively. “You never know with Richie. I mean Eddie just came out and you mess with people constantly.” 

“Oh that’s nice.” Richie was tipping into anger and it made Eddie nervous. He needed them to stop. The yelling could probably be heard downstairs at this point. 

“Bill,” Eddie’s voice took control of the room. “Richie and I have been seeing each other for a month.” 

Bill stared at him as everything sunk in. His eyes drifted to the ground, not even able to look at them. He sat heavily on the bed. 

The three men were silent. Which was a first in their 2 and a half decades of friendship. Eddie’s eyes were on Richie but he was rage glaring at Bill. The sounds of the party below could be heard. Eddie wished he was down there instead of here. Anywhere else but here would have been preferred. 

Bill sucked in a breath, “So you’re dating?” 

Richie scoffed in frustration, “Fuck, I need to smoke.” 

“Same. Why did I ever give up pot?” Bill lamented. 

“Your writing is shit when you’re high.” Richie sneered. 

“That’s true.” He seemed oblivious to the hot white rage Richie was emitting in his direction. Or ignoring it entirely.

Eddie gave Richie a pointed look. He said he would explain this to Bill. So why was Eddie the one doing all the work? “It is early in the relationship, we didn’t want anyone to know right now in case we screw it up. You know how we can be.” He forced out a laugh that the other two didn’t return. Then he went over and sat beside Bill. “But Big Bill, it’s important you don’t tell anyone. Not our friends or Audra, yet.” 

Bill‘s eyes were confused, “Why?” 

“Just for right now,” said Richie, finally deciding to be helpful. “This is an engagement party for Bev and Ben afterall.” 

“Are you telling people after?” Asked Bill hopefully.

“Soon hopefully.” 

“Well, ok.” Bill agreed. “I support you two.” 

“Thanks,” Eddie said in relief.

Bill gave an apologetic look, “You’re my oldest friends. I’ve known you since elementary school. It’s just surprising.” 

“Sure, Bill. Whatever.” snapped Richie. 

A knock came at the door and Audra stepped in. “Is everything alright? We heard shouting.”

“We’re fine!” Eddie yelped. “I saw a spider.” 

Audra glanced at their feet frantically. “Where?!”

“It’s dead.” 

“Oh good, are you all coming down soon?” 

“Yes, I’ll walk down with you, babe.” Bill followed his wife out, Richie and Eddie a few steps behind. 

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Richie did a beeline toward the front door. Eddie took off after him, calling his name. 

“Richie! Stop, what’s wrong?” He reached forward grabbing his arm. They had gotten to the front door and the check-in woman was eyeing them. He lowered his voice, “We did it! Bill believed us.” 

“My best friend was more convinced I’d jump your bones then want you for you.” Richie looked truly hurt. He tended to hide his emotions through deflection and jokes. This situation actually bothered him.

“He was surprised. It doesn’t matter.” Eddie reassured.

“It does.”

“Why? You don’t like me for real.” Eddie stared curiously. Plus if he liked Eddie, they would have to end the arrangement. Then what would they do?

“I need to get the fuck outta here.” 

“I’ll come with you.” He wanted his friend to be open. It was like pulling teeth.

“No, Eds. It’s fine. Just enjoy the party.”

But Eddie didn’t want to enjoy the party without Richie. “Do you want to call it off?” 

His reaction was direct and intense. “Absolutely not.”

“Then stay.” Insisted Eddie. “Be mad at Bill all you want but be here for Bev and Ben.” He could see Richie’s pride battling with his desire to run. 

“Fine, I’ll stay.” He resigned himself. “But I don’t want to see Bill’s stupid face.” 

“Understandable. It’s his house but I’ll do what I can.” Eddie pulled Richie toward him subconsciously. “I’ll make Audra divorce him and take the house.” 

Richie broke into a smile. “I believe you could do that.”

Eddie tilted his chin up remembering how spellbound he was last time they were in this position. It was only 30 minutes ago they were kissing, he guiltily longed to be back there. 

It really felt pathetic how much the kiss affected him. He knew it meant nothing to Richie. His friend had kissed many people. He was just another pair of lips to Richie. Eddie had kissed 2 people in his life. It had been almost a year since he had any physical connection with someone. 

He wanted more. Craved hands on his sides, lips attached to his neck, he desired closeness above anything. 

He leaned into Richie then caught the eye of the door lady. A dawning expression slapped on her face. Eddie thought, _ ‘That’s right, wink at somebody else.’ _

Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie and he returned the hug. Another body came up behind him, it was Beverly. She sandwiched Eddie. 

“Why are we hugging?” She asked.

“Don’t question,” responded Richie. “Just hug.” 

The three of them held like that until Beverly said, “I needed this, but also I came over hoping to share a smoke.” 

“We are always on the same wavelength, Bev. I’d absolutely love to.” 

“I thought you quit, Beverly.” Eddie questioned, trying to keep his judging down. 

“I did. But this party is stressful. I’ve never smiled so much and for so long in my life. Shall we?” She started for the door and Richie followed with a light touch of Eddie’s arm saying he would be back without words. 

They could have their smokes, Eddie needed to pop a Xanax with a glass of vodka. He reached into his suit jacket pocket, found the pill and swallowed it dry. Then grabbed a drink from a bartender. 

He went over to the couch which had Mike chatting with Ben. They were deep in conversation. Eddie caught the tail end of Ben saying, “You can’t force him to talk if he won’t.” 

“Hey!” Eddie said to get their attention. “What’re we talking about?” 

“Stanley,” Mike said uneasily. “I tried getting him to talk about what was wrong with you two and he deflected with a ‘Nothing’s wrong’. I was asking Ben if he’d heard anything.” 

“Which I haven’t,” Ben added. “But I also feel really out of the loop on everything. With the new job and beginning to plan the wedding. I’m totally not present. I’m so sorry.” 

Ben always said sorry, even when nothing was his fault. Beverly and Richie tried for years to get him to stop but it was an unbreakable habit.

“Ben, we understand you are busy. So is Richie.” 

“Me on the other hand,” Added Mike, “I am not busy and my hours are weird, so people should hang out with me more.”

“God, you’re needy.” laughed Eddie, who had no room to talk since he was a needy human too.

“Correct, now spend time with me.” 

“We’ll do something tomorrow.” 

Ben sighed, then downed the rest of his drink. “I miss being a kid.”

“I don’t,” grimaced Eddie. “The number of times I was called a fruit or fairy or other f words was enough to make me hate my childhood.” 

“And our white ass hometown had a lot to say about me and my family.” said Mike.

“I just mean I miss seeing you all everyday during and after school.” Ben corrected. “I definitely don’t miss bullies telling me I’m a fat lard.” 

Mike smiled bitterly, “Let’s all quit our jobs and live in a house together.” 

“Great plan.” said Eddie sarcastically. “With what money?”

“Hadn’t gotten that far in the plan.” 

The effects of the xanax were taking effect nicely. Eddie felt truly calm for the first time that day. Taking pills was second nature to him. As a child, his mother had him on placebo pills making him believe he was sick until about 13 when he discovered the truth. The control she had on him for so long sat uneasily on his confidence. He stopped taking fake pills only to switch to stress-relieving ones when he was about 15. At least now he was in control of what went into his body.

“You look sleepy, Eddie.” 

“Huh? Oh, yeah. A little.” A body sat next to him, the smell of smoke entering the area. It took a moment to realize who it was. 

“So who’re we gossiping about?” Richie asked, putting his arm on the back of the couch behind Eddie. 

“Wouldn’t ya-you like to know,” said Eddie mid-yawn. 

“Hope it was dirty things,” he smirked. “About me preferably.” Those words twisted in Eddie’s stomach. He couldn’t believe they were just supposed to act normal after that kiss. And yet, they were doing it easily. The only difference was Eddie wanted to feel Richie’s lips on his right this second. Probably the pill and drink mixing talking.

“Not everything is about you, Richie.” Mike said lightheartedly.

“Yes, it is.” Eddie and Richie said together but with very different connotations. 

Eddie laughed, “I hate you. We’ve been saying things at the same time all day.”

“We spend too much time together.” 

Beverly walked in front of them then plopped heavily into Ben’s lap. She whipped out her phone and was taking cute selfies of her and Ben.

“Hey Bev, what’s your wedding hashtag?” Richie asked sneakily.

“Oh, you know exactly what it is.”

“Say it anyway.” 

“#myheartburnstheretoo.” She stuck out her tongue after she said it.

Mike cringed. “I love you both but puke.” 

She leaned sideways to get Richie and Eddie in a photo. Eddie turned his head into Richie’s chest, hiding his face. 

“Awwww! Come on Eddie!” Beverly whined. “You look so cute today.” 

“Correction, he looks cute everyday.” Richie insisted.

“Shut up.” Eddie mumbled. Then raised his face and forced on a smile. “Go ahead.” He said through gritted teeth.

She took the picture and Eddie immediately grabbed the phone, zooming in on his face then the others. Richie and him vibed like a couple, he couldn’t deny that. His eyes lingered on Richie’s face longer than he should’ve then gave Beverly back the phone.

“Do I have permission to post?” She said snarkily.

“Only if you add the hashtag ‘EdslikesDick’.” 

Ben and Mike burst into laughter while Beverly and Eddie hit Richie’s arm. 

“You have to give it to me for the double meaning!” Laughed Richie as Eddie began tickling him mercilessly. “Ok! Ok! Can’t...ha ha...breathe!” 

The rest of the party went by lazily. When Beverly tried to convince them to stay longer, Eddie gave Richie a side-eye that meant he wanted to be done for the night. After all, they hadn’t gotten a chance to talk. Richie came up with an excuse for them easily. 

The subject didn’t come out right away. All words were stuck in Eddie’s throat the moment they got in the car. He was driving them home since Richie hated getting behind the wheel after drinking. Eddie knew on some level he shouldn’t have been driving either but he risked it. 

When they got back to Eddie’s place, Richie invited himself inside. 

“I’m gonna stay over.” He said while laying down on the couch. Eddie took a chair staring at the closed eyes of his friend. 

“Richie…”

“Hmm?” 

“Richie, can we talk about today?”

“Which part?” 

“Er…the kissing part.” 

Richie rubbed his eyes, lifting his glasses up to do so. He stayed laying down but was fully awake. “You kiss really well.”

Eddie gaped at him not knowing how to respond. His friend was one of the greatest mysteries to exist. He thought about saying thanks but that didn’t seem productive. “So do you but I figured that.” 

Richie grinned toothily. It was both extremely nice on him and incredibly infuriating. 

“I enjoyed it.”

It felt as if flames were licking Eddie’s cheeks. “Stop.” This was not the kind of honesty he needed right now.

“What? I’m sure it was obvious.”

“Yes, it was obvious but NO that’s not the point.” An exasperated groan erupted out. “We broke one of the rules! We can’t do that!” 

“Alright, but what if we do.”

“Do what?” 

“Break a rule.”

“I...er...I don’t know…”

“And keep breaking the rule.” 

“What will that accomplish?” 

“We’ve both agreed to not see other people, so we are feeling extra touch-deprived. Why not bring in a little consensual kissing into the mix to pass the time?” Richie waited for his response but nothing came out. “Who cares?! I can’t even remember the other rules.”

He held up a figure to indicate the first rule,“‘If we start developing feelings, we end it.’,” He raised another finger, “‘Kissing in public is fine, but not in private’, ‘No tongue’,” Even though Eddie had to admit for the first time it was really good with tongue. “‘We cannot tell anyone or any of the losers no matter what’.”

Richie just kept on smiling, “Good memory there.”

“Will you stop!” 

“Stop what?!”

“Acting like you know I’m going to say yes!” 

“Well, are you?”

Eddie got up from his spot and Richie scrambled into a sitting position. Their eyes were locked. Eddie was approaching like one might a small forest animal. Anxious you’ll scare it off but desperate to get closer. 

He sat beside him ready to keep talking when Richie surged forward. Their lips colliding clumsily. They took a second to reposition then kissed for real. There was a renewed energy that consumed Eddie. 

He was strongly reminded of a race track. Where the booming narrator voice says ‘On your mark, get set, GO’ and suddenly it is a mad dash to the finish line. Lips go as fast as possible, jaw working hard to keep up, and mind completely blank except for victorious thoughts. 

The feeling of lips on his was one thing but factoring in whose lips had Eddie’s mind spinning. Richie knew Eddie in ways he barely admitted to himself. He’d been there through hellish childhood years, the hardships of teen to adulthood and witnessed some of the worst and best times in their life together. Now they were here, learning each other in a foreign and not altogether terrible way.

Becoming lovers and yet missing the important requirement of emotional attachment. He still hadn’t had a second to think about all this.

Richie bit his lower lip awakening the senses and forcing himself to pull away. Richie’s mouth unconsciously chased his until opening his eyes to Eddie looking away. 

“Did I hurt you?” Richie’s voice was low and his hand rested on the inside of Eddie’s thigh. He needed that removed soon or his brain would combust.

“Not hurt just need to breathe.” 

“Sure sure,” Richie’s hand left his leg and he could finally relax. 

“Ok, I am just going to say it.” Eddie took an enormous breath, “Our friendship is really fucking important to me and I assume it’s important to you.” 

“You know what happens when you assume.” 

“Richie.” 

“It pays the emotional bills.” 

“Richie!” 

“What?! Yes! It is important to me. Jeez, Eds.” 

“You’re impossible.” Eddie huffed. 

“Impossibly good looking, I know.” Eddie laughed then gave his friend a sad expression. Richie laid his hand on Eddie’s knee comfortingly. “We aren’t going to fuck up our friendship.”

He wanted to believe him but the all-consuming thought was, ‘_What if we already have?’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The many comments I got from last chapter were wonderful and really got me inspired. Thank you so much! This was a fun and kinda emotional chapter to write. Leave me your thoughts in comments and come shout at me in ask on tumblr too!


	6. Never Ever Felt So Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s been two months.”
> 
> “I know.” 
> 
> “Technically three months since you said you were seeing each other before you told me.” 
> 
> “Technically, we didn’t want to tell you, you walked in on us.”
> 
> “Technically, you’re idiots.” Richie chimed in beside him.

“How much longer do I have to keep this from everyone?” asked Bill over the phone.

“We aren’t ready.” said Eddie. His impatient friend had asked almost every day since finding out Richie and Eddie were ‘dating’. 

“I’m ready!” Richie yelled from the kitchen. 

He tapped the phone on mute. “Richie, no!” He kept his ear on the speaker listening to Bill lecture about lying to their friends. 

“Richie, yesssss.” He said goofily.

“I will end you. Yes, Bill, I know!” He shouted into the speaker. When Bill continued talking Eddie realized he hadn’t unmuted him.

“Bill...Bill! I know it’s not ok to lie to the losers club but until I want them to know, I need you to be a good friend and keep it to yourself.” 

“It’s been two months.”

“I know.” 

“Technically three months since you said you were seeing each other before you told me.” 

“Technically, we didn’t want to tell you, you walked in on us.”

“Technically, you’re idiots.” Richie chimed in beside him. Suddenly, the phone was snatched from his hand. “Billiam, it’s Richie.” 

“Hey!” Eddie complained scrambling for the phone. Richie’s height advantage allowed him to keep it out of Eddie’s reach. He shoved his hand in Eddie’s face keeping him a literal arm’s length away. 

“If you don’t keep this secret to yourself, everyone will find out about spring break senior year of college.” 

Eddie ceased fighting as his interest peaked. “What happened?” 

Richie held up his finger then nodded his head, “Yes, I will break our pact...Great! See ya later.” 

He plopped the phone in Eddie’s hand. “Feel free to thank me.” 

“What happened during spring break?” 

“Nope, taking it to my grave.”

“Well, that’s lame. You tell me stupid things you and Bill did in college all the time.” 

“Best not to tell them all,” said Richie with a wink. “Ruins my mystery.” 

Eddie scoffed and went into the kitchen to steal some snacks. As he raided Richie’s cupboards the doorbell rang. He stuck his head out, locking eyes with Richie. Only one of their friends bothered ringing the doorbell, instead of walking right in or knocking. 

“Fuck,” Eddie breathed. “It’s Stanley.” 

“Do you want me to pretend I’m not here?” 

Stanley’s voice came out muffled from behind the door, “I can hear you talking, idiot. You never mastered whispering with your monstrous voice.” 

Richie gave a sympathetic glance to Eddie then walked toward the door. Eddie squished himself into a corner of the kitchen and leaned back on the counter. He truly didn’t want to see Stanley. It would be an explosive, nuclear blast style argument. They had gone too long without speaking. He had no clue where his friend’s head was even at. If he was being honest, Eddie barely knew how he felt himself except incredibly sad they weren’t talking. 

In middle school, Eddie would cry every day if a friend was mad and ignoring him. It felt like the end of the world. With his hormones fully developed, he still felt like crying but wouldn’t allow himself. Nothing would come of those emotions except continued disappointment.

“Stan the man!” Eddie heard Richie greet warmly. “How’s my cranky friend doing today?” 

“Tired enough to sleep for eons. Work is killing me slowly, which I wouldn’t mind if death was actually waiting for me on the other end.” 

“Oh, Stanley, you can’t die.” said Richie. Eddie knew exactly what was coming next and he held a hand up to his mouth, preventing escaping giggles. “If you die then I will have to be in charge of the funeral and that is such a BURDEN on me.” Stanley hated it when Richie did this bit. 

“How is  _ my _ death a burden?” He responded in his usual impatient reaction.

“All the people I will need to contact, your parents’ will need my shoulder to cry on, Patty will require emotional sexual support.” Eddie could imagine the death glare Stanley was giving Richie perfectly. His round hazel eyes would lower, almost changing color as darkness surrounded his irises. 

“I didn’t come here to talk about me.” His dry humorless voice had a hint of frustration escaping. 

“Well, come in and sit down. Want water?” 

“Thanks.”

Richie turned around the corner, his demeanor shifted to concern as he mouthed  _ ‘What do you want me to do?’ _

_ ‘Find out what he wants.’  _ Eddie mouthed back.

Richie started exiting the kitchen, Eddie grabbed the back of his collar mouthing,  _ ‘Water!’  _ Richie got two glasses filled with Brita water, the filter probably hadn’t been replaced in a year. 

“So what do I owe the pleasure, my dear Stan.”

“You know why I’m here.”

“I can read people but I’m not a mind reader.” 

Stanley huffed out a loud exaggerated sigh. “I want to mend things with Eddie.” 

“You haven’t spoken in 3 months.” Eddie silently thanked Bill for reminding them earlier how long it had been. Made the impact stronger.

“I know and I feel bad about that.” 

“Bad. One feels bad if someone is sick and has to miss a party. People feel BAD when they let an elevator close as someone is running toward it. I mean I get a little schadenfreude, but I’m an asshole.” 

“I feel terrible! Horrible! Awful!”

This didn’t satisfy Richie, “How do you know he hasn’t replaced you with another sarcastic jew friend.” 

“Most of us are sarcastic. It’s a coping mechanism for being persecuted for centuries.” Stanley pointed out then said, “Has he?” There was a rare sincerity in his voice that made Eddie want to go out there. Of course, he would forgive Stanley immediately. He hated the fighting.

“I’m all Eddie needs so have no fear.” That forced a roll of the eyes. “Now, Stan, I’ve been wracking my brain why you’ve been such a dick to Eddie. He comes out and you yell at him then ignore him entirely for 3 months. How do you think that looks?” 

“Like I’m a jerk.” 

“A homophobic jerk.”

“I’m not homophobic...well, I wasn’t trying to be.” 

“You secretly in love with Eddie?”

“What?! No!” 

“That’s good. Can’t have competition for his affection.” 

“Ya know, another person would think you were in love with Eddie the way you speak to and about him.” Eddie bit down hard on his lip at this. His heart pounded harshly awaiting Richie’s response. 

“Another person is welcome to think whatever they want.” Eddie considered throwing a pan across the kitchen and screaming. He shouldn’t be this affected by everything.“So answer my question, why have you been acting this way.” 

“I want to talk to Eddie first. But every time I try, I chicken out. On top of that, I am  stressed about planning Ben's bachelor party.”

“You have months to plan that.” 

“You don’t understand the logistics we have to worry about. And yes, WE Richie. You have Beverly’s bachelorette to plan.” 

“Her’s will be showstopping. Have no fear.”

“The caterer won't get back to me about proper nutrition questions, we can’t have Eddie panicking about something he may or may not be allergic to.” Eddie smiled to himself, this was how Stanley showed he cared.

“The venue is barely up to code for how it should be, and Ben is of no use because he always says 'I'm fine with anything, Stan'. He couldn't be any less indecisive unless he were Eddie.” His mouth dropped in outrage. He wasn’t  _ that _ indecisive. He wondered if his friends always talked about his flaws when he wasn’t around. “If I had known it would be this overwhelming to be a Best Man, I would never have agreed to our pact."

"Not everyone can be as great a best man as Bill was to you.” Richie said with sarcasm.

Stanley huffed, “Bill had an itemized list from me for everything. I wasn’t going to let him fuck up my day...I mean Patty’s day.” He half-heartedly corrected. 

“Well, Stanley, this may come as a surprise but you are not the most important person in this situation. Ben Handsome is. Just give him some specific options and I am sure he will be more decisive." Eddie heard some movement, "As much as I enjoy seeing you, did you want something from me?"

"I do and I'll be out of here soon. I came by because I was wondering if you knew whether Eddie was seeing anyone right now."

Eddie’s heart skipped a beat. Richie coughed and the coughing continued. He was going to blow everything. 

“Are you ok?! Are you choking?! Drink water! No wait! Don’t drink water, that’s what you are choking on.” 

There was quiet and Eddie was ready to race out there. It took an extra couple minutes but Richie finally managed to wheeze out, "Why...why would you ask me that?" 

Eddie’s stomach sank. His friend was panicking. Once again the plan was being slaughtered. Stanley was supposed to find out about Richie and Eddie’s fake dating much later. Perhaps in another few months. Stanley must know something. Bill told him, that’s the only explanation. Maybe they’ve been too obvious. Except how could he have seen any of that? He hasn’t seen them together in weeks.

“You see him more than the rest of us. And I’ve got this friend who would be good for him.” Eddie was completely taken aback. Stanley wanted to set him up, this was shocking. 

“I think the best way to show I support him coming out is by setting him up with someone. So I figured…”

“He’s already seeing someone.” Richie blurted out. Eddie was screaming ‘NO’ repeatedly in his head. 

“He is?” Stanley said in disbelief. “Who?” 

“Don’t act so surprised, Staniel.” Resentment oozed from his voice. “Eddie is a catch.” 

“I am aware. That’s why I was going to set him up. But this is great. Who is he? What’s he like?” 

“You’ve known the guy since elementary school.” Richie didn’t even attempt to cover them, Eddie thought he would faint. 

Fortunately, Stanley was oblivious to these things. “Not Eddie, Trashmouth. The guy he’s seeing.” 

“You don’t know him.” Finally, a good lie.

“Well, what can  _ you _ tell me about him?” 

“I mean that I don’t know him!” Eddie could feel himself sweating with nerves. He had no idea what Richie was doing. “No one knows who he is. But anyway, you should go. I’ve got to get to work. Let’s plan for dinner sometime this week.” 

There was movement. “Ow!” Eddie wondered what happened. “The fuck Stan?!” 

“You are acting very strange. I was checking if you’re still in there.” 

“You’re crazy.” 

“Alright, well, I am leaving the guy’s name and number. If you decide to give it to him.” 

“He won’t need it. And Stan, just call him.” 

“Yeah? You think that’s all I need to do?” 

“I know Eddie. He just misses you.” 

“Ok.” The door opened, “And thanks Rich.”

“I love you, man.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Stanley chuckled. 

Once he was gone, Eddie didn’t move right away. His brain could barely process everything. 

Richie appeared in front of him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You ok?”

Eddie looked up at him, “Why’d you yell ouch before Stan left?” 

“Oh, he flicked my forehead.” Richie rubbed the place. “Kiss it and make it feel better?”

“Shut up,” Eddie laughed while pushing Richie away. “I forgot I came in here to eat.” 

They prepared quesadillas and nachos not talking about Stanley. Eddie felt uncomfortable considering the conversation had to do with him. His mind couldn’t register properly. When Stanley called, he didn’t know how he’d behave. 

Richie put on Lion King, their go-to movie growing up. They could recite every line from the movie and sing every song. Richie was the singer while Eddie just tried to hit notes matching the screen. 

Before ‘Circle of Life’ even finished, Eddie launched into the concern building inside him. “What do I say to Stanley?” 

“I dunno.” said Richie mid-bite. 

“How did he seem when you spoke?” 

“Didn’t you hear everything?”

“Yeah, but not his facial expressions.”

“Sulky.” 

“Stanley is always sulky. That’s unhelpful.” 

Richie took a couple more bites. Eddie was sitting on the edge of his seat craving answers. “He truly seemed sorry. Maybe a little lost too. Which is probably what led him to me. Since he doesn’t have you for guidance as usual.” 

“Thank you for telling him to call me.” 

“Glad that was the right thing to say.” 

“You handled it in typical Richie fashion: zero percent subtle and cursing up a storm.” 

“Hear, hear!” Richie and Eddie clinked beer cans. 

As they drank there was more he wanted to discuss but had a suspicion bringing it up would become a train running off the tracks. He saw in the corner of his eye Richie was putting down his beer and food. Eddie placed his drink on the coffee table then turned with an expectant face. 

He’d gotten better at recognizing the signs when Richie wanted to kiss him. He’d scoot a little closer, eyes lowered, and mouth slightly smiling. Sometimes he would raise his eyebrows up and down quickly because that was supposedly alluring. 

As their lips touched he felt like the ice to Richie’s fire. Melting under his touch and freezing when it was gone. Trapped in a cycle of need for a person he wasn’t supposed to desire. 

It didn’t feel wrong but guilt was a common occurrence. Eddie would stop the kissing when it got too heated. They were walking a tightrope, praying a net would catch them. 

Richie’s hand dared lower than ever before. They stuck to hands-on their faces or sides. Always over clothes. His hand continued down his back, hitting the sliver of skin between his shirt and pants. The moment he cupped Eddie’s back pocket, and by proxy his ass, it started to vibrate. 

They stopped kissing in confusion as Richie said, “Well, that’s a first.”

“It’s my phone!”

“I’m sure that’s what you tell all your hookups.”

Eddie pushed him away to reach for the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Oh, hi Stanley.” Eddie’s voice caught in his throat. He didn’t know it was possible to be relieved and terrified to hear a voice.

“I’m so-sorry.” said Stanley, and he broke down. Eddie had rarely seen or heard Stanley cry. The last time was probably when they were kids. He was hiccuping into the phone unable to breathe properly. 

“It’s ok, Stan.” 

“It’s not.” Stanley managed some brief control. “I almost threw away years of friendship because of my personal issues.

“What issues?”

“It’s not easy for me to say.”

“I’m here to listen.” He stood up, pacing around a bit. Stanley took his time composing. Eddie could imagine him blowing his nose into a handkerchief made by Patty.

“When you came out, a world of possibility fell into your lap that I never allowed myself. I got so irrationally angry for no fault of your own. Merely my own envy.” 

Eddie’s eyes met Richie’s, “You were jealous?” Richie gave a confused glance back mouthing  _ ‘Of what? _ ’

“I love Patty. Let me be clear about that. I’ve always known I liked at least one other person in this world as much as I now love Patty.” 

“Who?” Eddie couldn’t stop himself. “I mean...sorry, you don’t have to tell me.” 

“Bill knows I used to hold a torch for him. He must.” 

Eddie couldn’t believe his ears. Stanely used to like Bill. “You aren’t the only one,” Eddie admitted. “There was a time when I was infatuated with Bill. I’ve been doing enough self-reflection to figure that out.” 

“Oh same,” said Richie, forgetting he was supposed to be quiet. “Well, more I wanted to be Bill.” 

“Richie’s there.” sighed Stanley.

“Er...yeah.”

“Whatever, you would’ve told him anyway. Did he give you the phone number of my co-worker?” 

“Oh!” Eddie played dumb. “You setting me up?” 

“If you want. No pressure. He’s nice enough.” 

Eddie laughed, “High praise coming from you. Sure, I’ll give him a text.” 

“Richie said you’re seeing someone.” 

“Richie can’t keep his mouth shut.”

“You’d tell us.”

Eddie grinned feeling like a broken record. “I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”

“Good, that’s good.”

“And Stanley.” Eddie took a deep breath, “I would rather you talk to me. Even the hard conversations. Don’t ignore me. I love you but it isn’t my job to wait around for my friends.”

“Ok, I won’t.” He hesitated. “You’re a good friend.” 

“So are you. You just forgot that for a little bit.” 

Stanley chuckled and it was the best thing to come out of their call. A laugh meant a signed truce. They hung up with Eddie beaming in Richie’s direction. Except Richie wasn’t smiling back. His expression was disappointed.

“What’s wrong?”

“You want the random guy’s number?” He stepped close, took hold of Eddie’s hand and plopped a small note in his palm. “Have it.” Then grabbed the dirty plates taking them toward the kitchen.

“Rich…” Eddie put the paper on the coffee table and followed his friend. “I won’t actually contact him.”

“You can do whatever you want.” He may as well be chatting with a wall.

“Seriously, are you actually mad?”

Richie forced on a smile as he washed the dishes. “Nope. If you want to go on a date with this stranger, it’s not my problem.” 

Annoyance was pushing into the angry territory. “Why are you being like this?”

“Like what?” 

“Stupid!”

“I’m not stupid!” They were moving toward each other, eyes blazing with defiance. 

“You are being stupid!” 

“I’m not! If you want to date people then you should. It’s not like this is real or anything.” Richie’s cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, while Eddie felt his own skin heating up exponentially. 

Eddie took the plates from Richie’s hands, putting them on the counter with a clang. Their faces were nose to nose right before Eddie crashed his lips against Richie’s. He wanted them both to shut up. This kind of fight would’ve gone on for hours. Their teeth knocked together but Eddie ignored the pain as he bit at Richie’s lower lip. Richie fought back by pushing him up against the counter. Both hands gripping his sides harshly. 

Eddie’s fingers dove into Richie’s hair, tugging without hurting, eliciting a moan. So quickly the arguments disappeared and transformed into passion. Richie got tired of leaning down to kiss him because his hands dug deep and he lifted Eddie onto the counter. Eddie let out an unattractive ‘oof’ sound in surprise. 

“Eddie,” Richie said his name like a prayer. These moments were addictive. Every touch, sound, and kiss drove him insane with yearning.

He opened his legs wider so Richie could properly step in closer. Richie sucked on Eddie’s tongue as his hands rubbed the tops of his thighs methodically. He arched into him. They were so close he could practically hear their hearts beating in time.

There was a desire to feel those hands on his skin like never before. Richie’s rough hands tracing over his soft flesh was near, yet out of reach. 

His mouth was wild, he kissed down to Richie’s neck biting at one spot. Tongue swirling as teeth pulled at the skin. Richie brushed his hand accidentally over Eddie’s lap forcing. The kissing stopped. Their eyes were locked as Richie put his hand back. 

Eddie hid his increasingly flaming face in Richie’s neck, placing gentle kisses while pleasure flowed through his body. Stars were appearing in his vision, blindingly white. 

Before he was being drowned in lighter fluid, now the match had been thrown. The yell bubbling to the surface was swallowed by Richie bringing their faces together for a searing kiss. 

A few seconds passed as they caught their breath. Richie grabbed a kitchen towel and started to clean, “I can do it.” whispered Eddie. He caught a glimpse of Richie smirking. Mortification set in.

Finally, Eddie said, “We shouldn’t have done that.” 

Richie’s voice was serious. “We are adults. We can do whatever we want.” 

“You just said this wasn’t real and then...then…”

“Then what?” He coaxed. 

“You’re so confusing!” Eddie hopped off the counter and stormed into the living room. 

“Where are you going?” Richie said dumbfounded. “That’s it? All that happens and you leave?” 

He gathered his things, needing to get away. Hysterics were threatening to take over. “What do you want from me? To return the favor?” 

Richie’s eyes flashed with hurt. “No, I don’t expect anything.” 

Eddie could feel his eyes prickling with unshed tears. “I’m sorry. I’m just not used to doing stuff like this and it being meaningless.” 

“Eds, I wanted it and you wanted it. That makes it meaningful.” 

He sighed looking anywhere but at Richie. “I should get going anyway. I’ll text you.” 

They walked to the door together. Richie reached for Eddie’s hand and slid something into his palm. He opened it quizzically. 

“Message the random guy.” 

“Why?”

“Go on a date for once. If it goes terrible, we continue the arrangement. If it goes well, we go from there.” 

Eddie nodded lightly, smiling at his friend. Richie leaned forward planting a soft kiss on his lips. 

If it were possible to fly high and sink deep, they would be experts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you would like to read the alternate mature rating ending go here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21721807/chapters/51814567
> 
> This chapter was WILD to write. Fun fact, the joke Richie does about what a burden Stan's death would be on him, is a joke I do at my best friend whenever he gets morbid about his death. He loves and hates the bit.
> 
> I am curious which readers guessed the Stan drama. Let me know your thoughts in the comments and come yell at me on tumblr!


	7. I Can't Recall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t worry, I’m staying two days in Queens then back on a plane.” 
> 
> “Alright, well, I’ll be in Portland if you need anything.”
> 
> “Portland, Maine is a 4 hour drive. How are you going to help from there?” 
> 
> “I will get in a car and come to you. Just call.” 
> 
> “It won’t be that bad.” 
> 
> Richie made a dismissive noise, “I grew up with you, yes it will.”

Christmas Eve turned around the corner without Eddie’s permission. It was a holiday he loved and loathed with the same energy. The parties with his coworkers and silly gifts between friends brought him cheer. However, the holidays meant visiting his mother, Sonia Kaspbrak. 

“Just stay a night.” Richie explained as he drove him to the airport. 

Eddie shook his head. “Don’t worry, I’m staying two days in Queens then back on a plane.” 

“Alright, well, I’ll be in Portland if you need anything.”

“Portland, Maine is a 4 hour drive. How are you going to help from there?” 

“I will get in a car and come to you. Just call.” 

“It won’t be that bad.” 

Richie made a dismissive noise, “I grew up with you, yes it will.”

“Don’t bad talk my mother.” It made Eddie uncomfortable when any of his friends insulted her. Most of them had learned by now he could barely talk poorly about her, despite resentments he harbored. 

Richie respected his wishes begrudgingly. When they got to the airport, they lingered in the car for a bit not knowing how the goodbye should go. For years, it was a pat on the back or quick hug. Eddie didn’t feel he could justify doing something simple with all the changes. 

Neither were making a move, so Eddie got out to grab his suitcase. He yanked it from the trunk and turned to Richie standing beside him. In a last-minute decision, Eddie placed his hand on the back of Richie’s neck. He pulled the taller man into a kiss that expressed exactly how much he would miss him. Their lips parted and Richie let out a contented sigh. 

“Text me every minute?” Richie asked.

“Every second.” Eddie promised. 

He spent the flight listening to podcasts and a movie. He wondered if it was possible to drown his increasing dread with noise, but it proved in vain. 

On the taxi ride to Queens, he watched all the buildings go by with appreciation. He didn’t enjoy taking ubers in the city since taxi cabs understand New York streets and the disgusting subway was out of the question. He would rather walk.

Living in New York was an easy escape in college. If his mother was being too much, he’d walk out the door and have a hundred options to distract him. The biggest loss was being away from his friends for long months. Texting, skyping, and talking on the phone didn’t beat in-person quality time.

He found the holidays as an adult entirely ironic. When he was in college, he desperately missed his hometown friends and could not wait to see them during breaks. Now, he dreaded most holidays because the expectation was to visit his parents, and be thrilled about that opportunity. Thrilled was not a word he used to describe time with his mother.

The taxi driver idled outside the brick house as Eddie took his time fishing coins and dollars from his wallet. He thanked the man and stepped onto the curb. 

He typed a text: “I’m here.”

Richie messaged immediately after with a poop emoji and a heart. 

As dread set deep in his bones, Eddie knocked on the door. 

It swung inward and a shrill, “EDDIE BEAR!” Came forth.

“Hey Ma.” He forced a smile, while she pulled him into a harsh hug. Her familiar artificial pine smell filling his nostrils aggressively. 

She let go, “Well, don’t just stand there! What are you wearing? That’s not nearly enough layers for this kind of weather, Eddie. You could catch the flu.” 

“I got a flu shot.” said Eddie lightly.

“Those never work.” She placed a strong grip on his shoulder and ushered him inside. The house was warm and resembled an inviting atmosphere, but he felt cold and unwelcome.

His mother was chatting away while he voiced simple responses. All he had to do was appease her for two nights, then he could jet away. This wouldn’t be forever despite every second feeling an eternity.

She made dinner the first night, if he could consider it a meal: half a cup of spinach and a skinless chicken leg. Sonia was known for her crash diets that rarely worked. Eating healthy was important, but so was leaving your house to exercise. Which his mother hadn’t done in years. 

Every ounce of fear she had for the world was instilled in him from a young age. His whole childhood comprised “don’t do that, you could die” or “trust no one” or “everyone is out to hurt you”. Defying this mentality had become second nature by now but her voice still whispered in his ear that the universe had it out for him. 

As he munched slowly on his spiceless chicken, his mother chatted away about celebrities he didn’t know and family members who he didn’t care much about. His aunts and uncles were conservative. Their views never sat well with him, especially since everyone claimed they were holy for their biased beliefs. 

He tuned in enough to hear, “...and we are boycotting your cousin’s wedding so if you get an invite, throw it away.” 

The desire to roll his eyes was immense, but he tucked away that need and picked up his glass of wine, “Which cousin?” Then drank heavily. 

“Mary,” His mother grabbed Eddie’s plate, stacked it with hers and headed into the kitchen. 

Eddie wracked his brain. Mary was his mother’s oldest sister’s daughter. He could see a dirty blonde-haired girl with round cheeks. She was really quiet but enjoyed playing legos with Eddie. At least as kids that’s how it was. 

He followed into the kitchen keeping a comforting hold on the wineglass. “What’d she do?” Eddie asked, already knowing it would be something absurd.

“She’s marrying beneath her.” Sonia hissed. “When you get married, make sure she is the best you can do. But not Myra. I hated her.” 

“No one I date is good enough for you.” He sighed heavily. “I wanted to marry Myra, Ma.” 

She clicked her tongue, “Not good enough for you.” 

“Who is Mary engaged to?” His family had disdain for any race or religion that wasn’t their own. Mary’s fiancé had little chance of pleasing them.

“She’s gay.” The word left her mouth and Eddie felt instant nausea. 

“She had no chance.” He accidentally said aloud.

“What was that?” 

“Nothing. Er...Mary’s fiancé is a woman?” 

“That’s right, her poor mother is a wreck.” Sonia was shaking her head disapprovingly. His stomach twisted viciously. “Such a shame.” 

Eddie didn’t respond. He tried keeping an unphased expression. He guessed his mother’s thoughts on being queer but she rarely spoke them. The assumption was she worried if it was talked about too much, he’d turn gay. Jokes on her. 

“I advised Cynthia to disown her but she rambled on about how it was her only daughter.” He would advise Mary to disown aunt Cindy but he kept that thought to himself. “You know,” Sonia went on, “I read an article about how the gay gene can be tracked in the womb. Which is just ironic.”

Eddie sucked in deep breaths. He knew not to rise to the bait but he couldn’t control himself. “What’s ironic?” 

“Well, gay people always take the side of liberals and liberals vote for abortions. Now people who find they have a gay child could ya know. It’s just ironic and bound to catch up with those people.” 

The nonsense coming out of his mother’s mouth made him throw his glass in the sink. It shattered pleasantly. Sonia screamed, “Eddie! Be careful! Move away, or you’ll cut yourself and get an infection!” Then began cleaning the mess. 

He had a hundred and one things he wanted to shout but his tongue was frozen. Her choice was hate in this moment, he didn’t know how to eliminate that. 

“Sorry about the glass,” he said with exhaustion. “I’m heading to bed.” 

“No, you’ll come watch tv with me.” 

He found himself following her like a duckling into the little living room. She sat in her lounger as Eddie planted on the couch heavily. 

He watched the tv unseeingly for a bit before taking out his phone. 

_ Eddie: I miss you. _

_ Richie: What’d she say _

_ Eddie: The usual. _

_ Richie: Eddie...just get on a plane and come to Portland _

_ Eddie: One more day.  _

_ ______________ _

The next morning, Eddie put on his sneakers and went for a run. Snow was pushed up on the sidewalk making it hard to get momentum. His thighs were sore quicker than usual, showing proof he hadn’t been exercising enough. 

He called Richie while wandering the streets. 

“EDS!” Came a friendly yell. 

“Not my name.” 

“Happy Christmas, Harry.” replied Richie in a terrible British accent.

“Happy Christmas, Ron.” Eddie laughed. “How’re Beverly and Ben?” 

“Passed out. I don’t know how they sleep so much. NO, MOM!” Richie yelled, “I’LL DO IT LATER!” 

“Ow,” Eddie moved his ear away from the receiver as Richie told his mother something else.

“Eds?” 

“You’ve never had a quiet voice, Rich. Your yelling is several notches louder than you think.” 

“My bad. Anyway, the future Mr. and Mrs. Hanscom are sleeping away the day in my old room, while I am on the pullout in the living room.” Richie complained. 

“They work normal people jobs, Mr. night slash morning owl. And you can’t talk, you nap everywhere and fall asleep randomly. That’s worse!” Eddie stopped by a breakfast cart. “Hold on, I’m grabbing a bagel.”

Richie continued speaking, “Benjamin Franklin and Einstein and Eleanor Roosevelt, all were nappers.” 

“Two plain bagels with cream cheese, egg, and bacon. Thanks.” Eddie said to the cashier as he handed him a ten-dollar bill. 

“...That’s a founding father, a major math guy, and a first lady.” Richie said with such strong conviction, Eddie was ready to give it to him. 

Except he took great pleasure from outsmarting Richie. “Einstein was a theoretical physicist. Not some math guy.” 

“He contributed several equations to calculus and geometry, ten of which are called the Einstein Field Equations. He was a mathematician and a physicist. HA!” 

The wrapped bagels were being handed to him as Eddie said, “Damn it!” The man looked alarmed, holding onto the bagels in confusion. “Oh not you! Sorry, my friend.” Eddie gestured to the headphones. 

“Where do you keep it all in your brain?” Eddie slowly headed toward home with the breakfast.

“I push out embarrassing memories and keep stupid knowledge instead. So how was Christmas Eve?” 

“Fine.” He couldn’t sound less enthusiastic.

“Liar! You told me last night she was saying shitting stuff to you. Why do you put up with her?” 

Eddie paused, he really didn’t want to get into it with Richie on Christmas. He inhaled, “Because what she believes doesn’t matter.”

“It matters because it hurts you.” 

“My feelings on it don’t matter. Drop it, Rich.” 

Richie let out a frustrated noise. He hated when Eddie said stuff like that. “You deserve to be treated better by your fucking mother.” 

“Well,” Here it came, “Not all of us were blessed with perfect parents who let you do whatever you want and be whatever you want without complaint. This is how my mother protects me.”

“It’s not protection. It’s abuse.” 

“I don’t have to listen to this!” 

“Fine. Well, Merry Christmas.” And Richie hung up.

“That asshole!” Eddie growled out and quickly rang back. 

“What.” Richie said impatiently. 

“I should’ve been the one to hang up!” 

A laugh came out of the phone. “You really called back to hang up on me?” 

“Maybe! Stop laughing!” But Eddie was fighting a smile. “God, you’re an asshole.”

“At least I’m your asshole. Can’t wait to see ya!” 

“Bye Trashmouth.” Eddie wondered how someone could drive a person this crazy, yet be the one he wanted around all the time. 

The only one abusing Eddie, were his conflicted feelings lately. He felt like a ball in a ping pong match being whacked back and forth so fast he couldn’t keep up. 

His phone buzzed as texts from Ben and Beverly came in wishing him a Merry Christmas. Other texts from Mike and Stanley came too. Bill would probably call later. 

As he opened the door, he nearly rammed into someone. “Oh I’m sorry…” He stared in confusion. “Auntie Cindy, what are you doing here?”

“That’s no greeting for a surprise visit!” His aunt grabbed his cheeks and pinched them aggressively. It hurt as a kid and it hurt as a man.

Aunt Cynthia was the mother of the very daughter who was now shunned from the family. He didn’t know why she was there, but it couldn’t be for anything good. 

His mother appeared in the doorway, a fake smile plastered on her face. She clearly didn’t know why Cynthia was there either. “Wish your Auntie C a Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas,” Then not being able to stop himself, “How’s Mary?” 

A dark shadow passed over Cynthia’s eyes as they set in rage, “I wouldn’t know.”

“Perhaps, you should reach out.” He was pushing his luck. 

She ignored this statement and took the bags from his hands. “Bagels! Delicious.” Guess he was skipping breakfast this morning. 

His phone rang, saving him from further interaction. He nearly ran to his room, pressing the talk button saying, “Hey, Bill.” Before closing the door behind him. 

The phone call with Bill went great, Audra and him were spending it with her parents. He didn’t mention once that Richie and Eddie should tell the group about ‘dating’ each other. Probably Bill’s subconscious Christmas gift to Eddie. Apparently, Audra’s mom really wants a grandbaby which Audra shut down quick because being an actress and having a baby was not ideal. Bill sounded a little stoic about it. 

“Do you want a kid?” Eddie asked gently.

“Someday.”

“Make sure she knows that.” 

“Thanks, Ed. I will.” 

Eddie walked back down the stairs, each step heavy with reluctance. He missed his friends, his true family. More and more he wondered why he came here. All he wanted was to be laughing and being goofy with Richie. 

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs listening to his mother and Aunt talking. 

“So you aren’t going to the wedding.”

“No, I am dropping her entirely.” 

Eddie’s throat clenched tight at these words. 

“Good.” His mother responded.

His heartbeat fast because everything felt wrong. 

“She’s ruining her life...”

It was wrong that he came. 

“...and losing her family will be her punishment.”

He didn’t belong here.

He was leaving.

_____

Eddie found himself, 5 hours later outside the Tozier home with a packed bag in his mother's stolen car. She had called about a hundred times until he blocked her number. 

His heart had not stopped pounding. The time for making smart decisions was back in Queens. Now, he had to turn up at his friend’s parents’ doorstep like a lost puppy. A lost pathetic small puppy. No, puppies were cute and people can feel bad for them. He was more a lost starving coyote come to eat your puppies, so you don’t feel bad for them at all.

He clicked the speed dial for Richie on his phone, who answered after one ring, “Hey! About to head to bed. I outdid myself on the eating this year and…”

“I’m a coyote.”

“Huh?”

“I’m outside.”

A moment’s pause, “You’re outside?” 

“Yes.” 

“Outside your mom’s place?” 

“Outside  _ your _ mom’s.” The line went dead, less than a minute later Richie was wrenching open the car door and pulling Eddie in a spine cracking hug. Eddie could tell he was holding back kissing him, or maybe he was projecting. There was nothing he wanted to do more than kiss Richie. 

Once they were in the living room, his jacket was being unzipped. Eddie’s hands went to Richie’s cheeks, still cold from the outside and brought their faces close. 

Richie whispered, “I missed you.” Against his lips before planting a big, deep kiss. Eddie’s stomach flipped several times as Richie walked them toward the pull out bed, lips wild with abandon. He smelled minty from toothpaste, but the lingering scent of alcohol was apparent. 

“You just missed my lips.” Eddie panted between kisses. 

His back landed on the bed and Richie kissed the outline of his jaw. “No,” Richie mumbled against his skin. “I missed being near you and only you.” 

When their lips met again, tears inexplicably popped into Eddie’s eyes.

Richie pulled away, wiped the tears with his bedsheet, then hugged Eddie. 

Hugged him for 30 minutes, maybe more. Didn’t say a word, didn’t try to kiss him, just held him until the tears stopped 

Richie fell asleep, of course, so Eddie was left to his thoughts.

As Eddie gazed at his sleeping friend, he thought about how he was happy. Not a casual happy, a warm and all-encompassing joy that made him temporarily forget the pain and depression that weighed on his mind. He reached forward to remove a stray hair running his fingers lightly over Richie’s soft cheek. That’s when everything hit like a blast of lightning. 

He loved him more than anyone else, and that love wasn’t just friendship. It was the kind people wrote novels and sang songs about. 

He was  _ in love _ with Richie. 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have gone FAR TOO LONG without an update and I am so sorry about it. Between traveling a lot, writer's block, starting a new job, writer's block, rearranging my apartment and writer's block...it's been hard.   
But I found my groove this weekend. 
> 
> To all those affected by Coronavirus disease (COVID-19), please feel free to write in the comments how you are feeling, what is happening in your life, and what you are doing to pass the time if you are social distancing. 
> 
> Personally, I am writing and cross-stitching. Both of which calm me down a lot. My birthday is Thursday, and I had to cancel all my plans for next weekend which was necessary to protect the vulnerable but has depressed me pretty badly. 
> 
> I am wishing everyone the best health physically and mentally, and know I am here for you. Message me or send asks on tumblr to chat more as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi [tumblr: richiefuckfacetozier](https://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com)  



End file.
